My Life as a Lizard

What the hell happened to chuck?

2006-08-18T13:15:00.000-04:00

Life. Man, things are so busy lately that I hardly have a minute for fun stuff. Id take the "Photoshop" challenge at Fark.com, occasionally. Here are some of the results.

One Man's Desert....

2006-06-02T04:49:00.000-04:00

...is another man's bounty?
The Big A sent me to Arizona about a month and a half ago. I'll be returning to work on the same project in mid-June. Terrible T thinks that Arizona must be Hell and I have to admit that I've only been there in the spring or fall. I'm sure it'll be as hot as Hell in June, but I don't plan to hang around outside in any case. I love traveling on business even though the planning for day care is a hassle. Sometimes it's just nice to get away from the family and the laundry and the arguments over what shows we're going to watch.

And the cacti are gorgeous...

Life is just one damned thing after another...

2006-05-25T15:39:00.000-04:00

The title is a quote (Elbert Hubbard) I found on the (small "i") internet.
How true. How true.
For the past year or so, I'd been pushing for a small promotion from Instructor to Instructional Designer. It's a hassle having to teach classes at Midnight, let me tell ya.
So I busted my hump and worked on design projects. I almost wrote "thankless" as an adjective to "design projects" - but that wouldn't be fair.

I got the promotion.

Then Naidabel accepted a job in New York.
Our team took one step forward and two steps back. We were already short two designers so promoting me filled one requisition. Naidabel leaving us in the lurch sent us back to GO (do not collect $200). So then I inherited one of her "humongous-and-impossible-to-understand-when-you-join-it-in-the-middle" projects. Nifty. I like a challenge. I get to visit Phoenix! Whoo hoo! I love 125 degree summer weather!

Good News: Jose has been working with Naidabel on this project and has a good handle on it.
Bad news: Jose is jumping ship, too. After next week... Jose go bye bye.

Not that I'm complaining. But.... It sorta explains why it's taken me so long to update this damned blog.

To photoshop or not to photoshop....

2006-03-22T00:20:00.000-05:00

As you may already know, Photoshop is the name of a powerful image editing application. Photoshop allows you to touch up old photos. It also lets you blot out the occasional zit or make Grandma look young again (Look! No gray!)
But photoshop is also a verb. And it's become one of my favorite pasttimes, of late.
It all started when I had some spare time to make frequent visits to Fark.com. Each day this web site posts a number of informal contests giving insane people, like me, the opportunity to photoshop a picture. In this case, the goal is to photoshop it into something funny (often crude) or artistic. Or both.
Some photoshoppers actually use Photoshop to edit the image. Others might use Fireworks or even Power Point. Some edits are poorly done while others have a professional look to them. The challenge is to get the altered image posted quickly so it has the opportunity to garner more votes.
Now that I've begun to photoshop for pleasure (and to learn how to use the software) I've stopped posting to Fark. A friend at work showed me a picture of one of his friends that he was was altering and shared the source pic with me. That got me started. Where will it stop? No one knows.
Here's that source picture of my "friend of a friend."

Once I had this image, I could start playing with it.

Here's my first attempt at being hilarious. The victim in this shot is my friend.

Notice how little I altered the images. I simply found an environment to put them into and added some props.

Here, I was getting seriously silly. But it was hard work. I had to reproduce part of his jeans so I could extend them and add the boots. Worked okay. So I decided to do another one with boots that seemed a bit more fitting.

I'm exercising my creativity muscles. It's all great fun.

But don't think I stoppped there. I've been continuing to hone my skills and challenge myself to see what else I can do.

So come on back, soon, for more wackiness.

I suck at updating my blog!

2006-03-03T12:43:00.000-05:00

Right. Now on to something I really care about.
I read an article that was linked from Fark.com, my favorite new hangout. It concerns a young man thrown out of a theater for laughing too loudly during a showing of The Pink Panther. They actually threw this guy out of the theater!
At first, I was incensed! They've got some nerve!
Then I went ahead an read the whole article. That'll teach me. It seems the guy has a disability that sometimes causes him to break out in loud uncontrollable laughter. (Sounds almost as bad as Tourette Syndrome.)
People were complaining about how loud he was. Now it's nice that the theater has offered to give him a free personalized showing, but I think they're bending over backwards.
What if this guy had uncontrollable farting? What if he had Tourettes? Would we be so angry that he was thrown out?
I always wonder why the poor disabled guy gets the special attention and those of us who pay to actually hear all of the lines in a movie have to put up with something annoying (people who leave their cell phone rings on in theaters need to be shot). I know it's not his fault and I certainly don't blame him.
I blame his mother. Why the hell would she take him to see the movie knowing that funny things make him laugh loudly and uncontrollably? Geeze. Don't we abled people have rights, too?

Although, as I understand it, there's not that much to laugh about in that movie. Maybe she thought?... Nahhh

The Meming Of Life?

2006-02-23T11:47:00.000-05:00

What's in a meme? Or rather - what IS a meme? To put it simply, a meme, like a gene, replicates through culture, whether it be a song or a game, or whatever. Only the strongest songs or games or ideas, will survive.
Go here for a much more intelligent and comprehensive explanation. All that matters, for this blog, is that you know that I received a particular meme fom a friend and am trying to help keep this one alive. I guess you could say that I'm procreating my own version of the original...

So, what is this particular meme? Apparently, it's just a list. This list:

Four Jobs You've Had in Your Life
* Grocery Clerk/Janitor/Cashier
* Chocolatier (Candyman)
* Automotive repairs salesperson
* Corporate Instructor

Four Movies You Could (and Do!) Watch Over and Over Again (1)
* The Nightmare Before Christmas
* Stargate
* Memento
* Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Four Cities/Towns You've Lived In
* Peekskill, New York
* Plantation, Florida
* Fort Lauderdale, Florida
* Back to Plantation, Florida (2)

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch
* Good Eats
* Mythbusters
* The Avatar
* Stranded (With Cash Peters) (3)

Four Places You've Been On Vacation
* London
* Paris
* Washington, D.C.
* San Antonio, Texas

Four Websites You Visit Daily
* hiddencity.net
* fark.com
* wheresgeorge.com
* WilWheaton.net in Exile

Four of Your Favorite Foods
* Chocolate
* Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
* Rare Steak (mooing)
* Brie

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now
* Home in bed
* In a movie theater watching something fun
* New York City (with tickets to Spamalot)
* Home in bed cuddling with terrible T

Footnotes:
1: I don't really watch any movies over and over again. Some I watch repeatedly with 6 or so months between them. When the kiddies were littler, I did get to see Arthur videos over and over again. I can think of worse things to have to see over and over again.
2: I really have only lived in three cities.
3: On the Travel network. Hilarious!

SPONSOR ME!

2006-02-14T07:37:00.000-05:00

Real simple.
Last week I weighed 162.5 pounds.
I hope to weigh a little less than 160 on May 17.
For each pound I lose, you (yes you!) sponsor me $____.
The money goes to The American Red Cross.

Are you "in?"

(Oh yeah... I can win prizes, too.)

Bush Urges End to Cartoon Violence

2006-02-08T14:23:00.000-05:00

Why the USA sucks

2006-01-24T08:01:00.000-05:00

FRIGGIN' OUTSOURCING!

That's, eventually, how I lost my job at The Big M. Even The Big A outsources many call center (and other) jobs to India.

And now the friggin' government has the audacity to outsorce torture?!?

Hell, I know a few really patriotic Americans (like my friend from Russia) who would LOVE to have a job that allows them to do nasty things to various and sundry Muslims... and they'd spend their hard earned "In God We Trust" cash right here in the US, where it can do us some good, for a change!

Now I'm not saying I would like to have that job, you understand. Being married, my wife would frown upon me having sex in front of the prisoners and shit like like that. I'm sure we could convince her to be sorta okay with it, though, since it would, maybe, save the lives of a few American soldiers doing their part in Iraq.

I also get sick at the sight of blood and excrement. So I don't think I'd be able to tolerate the working conditions.

Maybe if I could just be the guy snapping the pictures?

Maybe.

Confessional

2006-01-21T13:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, I have a confession to make. We all have secrets, don’t we?

Some folks actually mail their secrets to postsecrets, a web site dedicated to a new art form: secrets told in text and artwork on a 4X6 inch postcard. Doing this is, I’m sure, cathartic for some and frightening for others. I’ve even sent in one or two of my own secrets – but I’ll never tell whether they’ve been published on the site. I’m not always that forthcoming.

My daughter, who is being raised Catholic (despite my being nearly agnostic, leaning toward atheist) will soon be attending her first Reconciliation AKA: Confession.

Personally, I have no need for a priest to act as my “hyper-link to God.” I’ll use my blog to sing out my confessions to all who will hear them. Both of you.

(Or I’ll just keep them stoppered up inside, where they probably belong.)

Here goes: Over a year ago, my mom gave me a couple of pairs of my dad’s underwear while he was still alive but remained in a Hospice facility. She’d written his name on the waistband so the nursing staff would not mix his up with the underwear of others. By this time, however, he no longer needed his briefs. He was in adult-sized diapers.

It’s been about 10 months since he passed away. I’m still wearing his underwear, when they’re clean and available in my underwear drawer. I know it sounds really weird, but I feel, somehow, closer to dad when I wear his underwear. Not closer in a spiritual sense, since I don’t believe in spirits. But I often find that I do not spend much time thinking about my dad. Something needs to remind me of him first.

And how can I not be reminded of dad when I’m wearing his tighty-whities?

I always wanted to do comics

2006-01-06T03:30:00.000-05:00

Marc found a few online comic strips. So he decided he had to make his own strip.
Without my permission, he borrowed the new digital camera (it's no wonder I haven't killed this one, yet) and took stills of his Star Wars Lego characters. He renamed them and tacked on silly 11 year-old-style humor. I hope to be able to post The Adventures of Captain Poo Head once I figure out how to do so in a quality manner. I'm sure I can get good quality using Photoshop... once I figure out how.

And... umm... I'll also post the ones I made. Complete with my own silly 11 year-old-style humor.

Shalom and Happy 6th of January.

Another day, a new year...

2006-01-04T00:51:00.000-05:00

It's so weird. We go from Saturday to Sunday and suddenly it's 2006!

We had some friends over for dinner on New Years Eve, but they're early birds. Marc and I were the only ones to stay up late. Hell. If you're not out partying, what's the big deal? So what if a new year has started?

Of course, when I was a kid, I never thought I'd live past 20 or so. Not that I was one of those drug-crazed bad kids or anything. It's just that kids' brains work that way. As a kid, you can't imagine anything happening much past tomorrow. And even if you know that you'll some day be 20 years old... man... that's practically ancient!

Around 1965 (before my family moved down to Florida from New York) Disney announced that they were building Disney World (after having surreptitiously purchased a very large portion of the state near Orlando). Actually, the news was leaked before they'd managed to buy up every bit of the land. But they'd gotten most of it. Real Cheap.

I was so disappointed. I figured that I'd be way too old (by 1971) to enjoy a place like that. Heck. I'd already be twelve or thirteen!

Disney World opened to rave reviews early in 1971. We waited until October to go up there. Dumb idea. We actually arrived on the "Official Grand Opening". Boy was it crowded. And the lines we ever-lasting. This was back in the days when you got Lettered Tickets
(A-E). The A tickets were for the dorky things like a stupid movie theater that showed nothing but old old Disney cartoons. E tickets got you on the cool rides, like 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

To this day, I can't remember if I ever actually got to ride that one. It was breaking down constantly. And on that first visit, Space Mountain didn't yet exist.

Now, DisneyLand is 50 and DisneyWorld is 35. I still love the place, even if it was sneakily conceived and I'm not crazy about the Disney company as a whole.

Thank goodness they did away with those stupid tickets.

On our most recent trip, a couple of weeks ago, we visited The Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom. and Epcot. We still love Epcot the best.
It would have been really cool if that area truly was an "Experimental Prototype Community (city) Of Tomorrow," with nifty houses with futuristic technologies. I always wanted to live in a "home of the future" with picture phones and toilets that created manure for the yard.

Ah. So much for our childhood dreams ideas of what things would be like in the future. Where's my friggin' flying car? Why don't I have a picture-phone, yet? When do I get to re-use my crap?

I'd set a deadline for all of this... based on forward-thinking TV shows and near-future science fiction: The Year 2000!

I was so sure I wouldn't live that long. Live till I'm 41? What are you... crazy?

Ah... to be a kid again...

2005-12-31T04:16:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I really miss being a kid. Sure, I still watch cartoons and act silly. But way too often, the dishes are screaming for me and the bathroom is in great need of assistance.
So little time is left for just having a bit o' fun.
I'll leave work, this morning, at about 6:30 AM. I'll arrive home at 7:00 and, if Alex is up, I'll offer to put together a bowl of cereal for her or get her something else simple for breakfast. "No. Not French toast, dear. I'm way too tired for that."
Then I'll strip off my clothing as I head down the hall to my room. I'll be nekkid by the time I get there. Terrible T will be snoring gleefully as I pull on a T-shirt and slide under the covers.
If I'm lucky, I'll be asleep within a half an hour or so.
If I'm lucky, the kids won't argue after Terrible T goes to work and I'll remain asleep despite the TV turned up to 20 and sunlight pushing in past the curtains.
At 2:00 PM, the alarm clock will rudely awaken me. After my coffee and a breaking of my 10 hour fast I'll probably have to clean the kitchen mess and the bathroom. I'll yell at the kids for leaving the living room a mess, too, and spend way too much time cleaning that up. I'll get one or two calls from Terrible T giving orders and telling me what to start preparing for dinner, since we are having New Years Eve guests.
And the kids will complain because I never have the time... no... I never make the time to play with them.

I keep trying to make Friday night "Game Night" but it rarely works out. We played a few rounds of Whoonu last night, but then I had to leave for work. We have a number of games we've never even taken out of the boxes.

Am I a bad father? Or would I just prefer to play, once in a while?

So Tired

2005-12-30T01:07:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired.
Tired of:

not knowing what schedule I'll be working from one week to another.
allergies to cute and cuddly creatures and anything green, even my Christmas tree.
not having time to just play with my kids more.
saying, "No."
backaches, burning eyes, and worrying about eating that piece of chocolate.
aging.
digital cameras that break.
harddrives that break.
computers that don't do what I want them to do.
hyper-fundamentalist conservatives.
politicians who are Democrats and say they're better than Republicans when all politicians are pretty much the same kind of asshole.
our country being at war.
worrying about my kids education.
worrying that my kids are going to turn out bad.
worrying that the cookies re going to burn.
political correctness.
bigotry
prejudging
narrowmindedness
Fox news
infomercials
inane cartoons (but only the really inane ones, like Billy and Mandy).
repeats of old sitcoms that should never have lasted long enough to run in syndication.
people I know getting sick and/or dying.
complaining

Catching up on Movies

2005-12-28T20:49:00.000-05:00

I guess I've become a sorta Paul Giamatti fan.
I saw both Sideways and American Splendor and think that this "regular guy" actor is a genius. Of course, he's gotten lucky with good material and good directors and co-stars, too.
His next movie out will probably be the one my Mr. M. Night Spooky. And that scares me a bit. Not sure why, but it does.
I also finally saw The Aviator, by Scorsese. I really like DeCaprio and I thought the picture gave a bit of insight into one of the most famous men of mystery.
Alfred Hitchcock's Sabotage was a cheap DVD I bought somewhere. An early film of his, it took some time for the suspense to come 'round. No surprise throughout the first part of the movie as we knew from the beginning that Mr. Verloc was one of the bad guys. What I liked about this movie was that the characters seemed intelligent. When it started to become obvious that the police were watching Verloc, no one tried to pretend it wasn't happening. When evidence was obvious, people came to the correct obvious conclusions. The suspense comes in when an innocent boy is sent off to deliver the saboteur's bomb and we sit at the edge of our seats wondering whether or not the kid will get out of harms way in time.
Man. Hitchcock sure knew what he was doing. Now I just gotta rent or buy the rest of his famous movies. I've never seen most of them.

Sweet Christmas and Bitter Coffee

2005-12-26T22:56:00.000-05:00

Please tell me why Starbucks Coffee is always brewed so strongly. What am I - a lumberjack? I sit here (on 3rd shift again) swilling down something that tastes like I'm drinking it out of the mug within which I store my pencils. And now, alas, it's also cold.

Need caffeine... must. have. caffeine...

It's also getting a bit chilly outside. Why is it we always have a damned cold spell before and/or after Christmas but never on Christmas day! At least it wasn't sweltering.

Christmas/Hannukah was a little less stressful this year. Even though we went up to Disney World the weekend before and had Mom and some sisters and a nephew and a niece over for Christmas Ham and Latkes. (great combination)

Need caffeine... must. have. caffeine...

Alexandra designed a new kind of pie (with a little help from dear old Dad). It's officially called My Pie, though I'd kinda like to change the spelling to Mai Pai. It consisted of a store-bought graham cracker crust with a lemon tinged cream filling, butter and brown sugar sauteed peaches, fresh blueberries, and fresh strawberries. It was a big hit. Better than the $12.00 Key Lime Pie that a friend brought over for lunch this morning. (There goes what little dieting success I had been having).

This season, we spent way too much of American Express' (and MBNA's) money and we're going to be eating leftover ham with macaroni and cheese (Kraft Dinner was on sale at Publix) for a few months. At least I'll get my Amex bonus Points to pop over 10,000 by the time I get it all paid off. Then, maybe, I can trade them in for a key chain or some equally inexpensive piece of crap.

I love the new KitchenAid mixer, The Ditty Bops CD, and the View Master reels I'd bought on eBay. Terrible T loved the crystal bowl and books I'd gotten her. The kids love their Star Wars Lego. Marc keeps asking me if Anakin Skywalker, in theory, would be able to single-handedly destroy the Millenium Falcon whilst standing atop it.

Yeah. I spent something like $100.00 so Marc could build an icon and then pretend to blow it up. Then Alex yelled when Marc tried to watch a movie over her shoulder (on her new ($$) portable DVD player) and then she cried when she couldn't put together her own Star Wars Lego that I told my wife not to buy because it would be too hard for Alex to put together.

But I really loved the holidays, this year. Don't ask me why.

Maybe because, when all is said and done... I'll remember the inspiring fireworks at Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party, the look on Marc's face as he beheld his first $100.00 bill, the bangers and Mash at the pub in Epcot and this little story:

On Christmas Eve, in Plantation, a Police cruiser drives up and down every street followed by a pick-up truck with Santa in the bed throwing out little candy canes. We could hear the sirens shortly after sundown. But not on our street. So, Alexandra got more and more excited, waiting for Santa to show up.

Finally, after an interminable 30 minutes or so Santa arrived, sirens ablazin'.
He tossed out six scrawny candy canes, five of which smashed into tiny sugary schrapnel when they hit the asphalt.

Alex was speedier than Marc. She managed to swipe up four of the six prized offerings.

"Hey. One of those is mine. You got more than me!"
I had to agree with Marc. "It's not a contest, Alex. Split the candy canes with Marc."
"NO! They're Mine! I got 'em first!" Then came the chase around the driveway in the dark, Marc trying to tackle Alex for an itty bitty crunched-up candy cane.
"Both of you! In the House! Now!" That worked. I pulled the candy out of Alex's hands and demanded Marc's (I didn't yet know the actual count.) I split the six candy canes evenly between the two, giving Marc the unbroken one).
That's when Alex stopped yelling in anger and began crying inconsolably. She was now totally losing it.
" Aww, come on. Quit crying. It's just some candy canes. Don't be so greedy." Wrong tactic. Something had changed and I didn't quite get it yet.
"Alex. It's okay. Everything's fine. Marc'll forgive you. Please. Stop the crying." No luck. "Alex. Please. What's wrong?" Nothing.
"Is it because you're upset about the candy canes or because you know you've done something wrong?" BINGO!
"Santa's not going to bring me any presents tonight because I was naughty!"

Uh oh. Here comes one of the hardest parts of parenting: Trying not to laugh at something inherently funny when your kid's really upset. Especially when you need to keep that certain secret lie alive.

"Alex. Santa will bring you all your presents. Just apologize to Marc."
"NO. I was naughty! I'm not getting any presents!"
"Yes you will. I promise. I know it. Just as long as you apologize. I kinda know Santa. I mean, I email him a lot. I know he'll still bring you stuff."
"No. He Wont!!!"
"Alex, calm down. Really. Trust me. I know it'll be fine. I promise you."
"But I was naughty!"
"Look Alex, I know you're still on his Good Girl list and it's too late for him to cross you off."
And then, sure in her knowledge of Christmas Law, she looked right at me and screamed, "But he's gonna check it TWICE!"

Ambled to the Ramble

2005-11-21T05:25:00.000-05:00

Well... we did another Fairchild Ramble. This is about the fifth year straight. As you can see, the lily pond has a few new additions. Not at all like Last Year's Ramble. The Gardens are preparing for an exhibition of glassworks by the artist, Chihuly, whose shop makes all sorts of very pretty and quite unusual glass objet d'art. This is what the lily pond looks like, this year, complete with odd looking globes of glass. Thank God it doesn't look as if Tropical Storm Gamma's going to make it to us. It would ruin a whole lotta Thanksgivings and smash some priceless works of art.

Actually... that might be cool to see. A new art form. Install large glass objects and let a storm break them down into something new. Performance art with Nature as one of the artists!

Ramble Time

2005-11-15T12:39:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not talking about it being Ramble time at Fairchild Tropical Botanical Garden, though the event is going on this very weekend.
No... I'm referring to the fact that I'm just going to ramble on a bit. Like that's anything new.

Things are mostly back to normal, after Wilma. Back to normal if you still have a roof over your head. My sister Irene lost her roof and all of the walls on her floor of the condo will need to be replaced, as well. Estimated reapair time? Six fuckin' month's to a god-damned year! (pardon my French). My sister Sue has leaks and has to deal with her idiotic condo association. My mother's house was bearly touched, but now she's got Irene living with her, so that'll take some adjustment.

Anyway... at least Terrible T can go to the Miami Book Fair, this year. I'll stay home with the kids. Going with T is no issue, but those kiddies do get to be a pain in the ass when we go to events they're not as appreciative of. And they've got Disney World to look forward to. Soon.

Of course, we also plan to go to the Fairchhild Ramble. So this weekend looks to be especially hectic. The kiddies do like the Ramble, though. So long as we take a rest frequently. Most years it's unusually hot on the day of the Ramble. I'd hoped we actually get Autumn weather, this time around. Wouldn't that be nice. Like... a nice low temperature of 75 degrees F?
Unfortuantely, the Oracle says it'll be up near 80. Ick.

The stuff I sent to Found Magazine did not get published, this time around. Oh well. I guess I'll have to keep trying.
Here's a preview of the type of stuff I send them... for for the fun of it:

I found this item in the parking lot of a local Einstein Bros. Bagel shop.

It doesn't look like a very threatening Gangsta Get-Together. I expecially got a kick out of the last lines, "Warning: Gangsters may be present. We do not take any responsibility for any shootings, Creative movement, or other activities on the scene."

Creative movement? Like what?

Silly Walks?

Clean Up Time!

2005-11-11T05:54:00.000-05:00

Most of South Florida finally has electricity, if not a roof that doesn't leak. Everywhere you go, you see blue tarps draped over roofs (shouldn't that be rooves?).
They ("They" being the extra ten thousand or so aliens who've come to South Florida to charge us an arm and a leg to do those things that just gotta be done) have finally taken the logs and branches away from the front of my property. I can now travel down my street at more than 2 miles per hour since I'll actually be able to see if someone's trying to back out of their driveway.
My "On-The-Way-To-Work" Traffic has improved greatly. Not just because most of the lights are now in working order. It has more to do with the fact that I'm coming in at 4:00 AM. Not fun when Terrible T makes me take the family to her favorite mall in Boca Raton and keeps me up until 10:00 PM. Five hours of sleep just doesn't cut it for an old guy like me.
Too bad I'm not too fond of the taste of Red Bull. That would certainly keep my eyes opened.
Of course, drinking Red Bull would be greatly preferred over this device, invented by some fun-loving Japanese folks. Seriously. A Japanese man created a new art form, a few years back, he calls "Chindogu." It's the humorous art of creating something that's almost useful, but not quite. You can read a bit about it from this article, "The Chindogu Champion: Can absurd analog gadgets help dispel the digital doldrums?"

You might have more fun just Googling Chindogu. So here's your assignment: Search out the meaning of Chindogu and read all ten tenets. Then write a foot and a half about the subject and have it ready for our next lesson. (No magic allowed for this assignment.)
Marc and I are going to create some Chindogu, ourselves. We've each done one and I have a second one planned. I'll post photos, once I figure out a way to get decent shots.

Reason and Emotion

2005-11-06T21:25:00.000-05:00

During the war years.../

Errr... Pardon me. These are the war years. I meant the real war. World War Two.

During the years our country was entrenched in 'Good Ol' World War Two, Walt Disney's animators made a number of films to help our nation learn why it was important to pay taxes and save cooking grease. These are wonderful films to watch. The animation is fabulous and the learning experience is unbeatable.
I'd purchased a tinned DVD set over a year ago. It's one of only a quarter million made. I guess that makes it a "Collectible".
I finally started watching it, last night.
The Three Little Pigs explained to Canadians why it was important to buy War Savings Certificates (Bonds).
Donald Fauntleroy Duck volunteered for service (flat-footed though he is) and entertained audiences.
But I was most impressed by some of the more propagandist films they made.
Chicken Little had the none-too-subtle (German) fox turning the chickens against each other.
Der Fuhrer's Face made fun of Hitler, Hirohito, Mussolini, Wagner, and anything German.
The Making of a Nazi turned a innocent little kid into a killing (and then dying) machine.
But I was truly amazed by a film called, "Reason and Emotion." It explains that each of us has, inside our heads, two miniature versions of ourselves. One is properly dressed and wears glasses. He (or she) is Reason. Emotion, of course, wears caveman skins. For women, reason is a prim and proper librarian (with glasses) and Emotion is a slightly chunky broad who's ready to run into a deli and order a big sandwich and side order of potato salad. (Actually, I thought she was kinda cute).
Usually, Reason is at the wheel in our brains. Occasionally, Emotion throws Reason (and all care) aside to take over the helm. That's when all Hell breaks loose.
The cartoon is actually quite funny, at first. It's a telling story about a time when we all had to pull together to win the war and think positively.
Then this animation short quickly switches gears. Suddenly, we see Hitler and the narrator explains how Der Fuckhead (my words, not Walt's) used Emotion to brainwash the German people. Sure, he used Sympathy and Pride with unmatched expertise. But he started with Fear... Fear... FEAR!! This way, he could convince the entire country that it was right to kill 6 million Jews and 6 million additional non-Aryans. It was right to attack (more or less) peaceful neighboring countries with designs on the entire globe.
When this chilling cartoon ended, I immediately thought of another leader who likes to use fear to brainwash innocent men into a war for all of the wrong reasons. With his control over the media, he ensured that thousands of Americans and tens of thousands of Iraqi's would die.
He called forth Fear by claiming there were weapons of mass destruction.
He manipulated with Pride.
He pretty much ignored Sympathy, though.

Reason and Emotion is worth watching. If only to see the parallels.
Was this movie propaganda or an eerily accurate prediction?

We never learn. Do we?

Thank you, Ready Kilowatt!

2005-10-31T07:33:00.000-05:00

Thank you Ready Kilowatt and Florida Power and Light. I bow to thee. Thank you for allowing me to finish reading Catch-22 (for about the third time) without totally ruining my eyesight. Thank you for getting my burglar alarm up and running without constantly beeping. Yes, Virginia, there is electricity!

I was also able toget gasoline for my car in under ten minutes at the local Chevron station. Oh thank thee, Lord Crude of the fossil fuels.

And thank thee Comcast for not yet restoring cable and keeping my home free of Cartoon Network annoyances.

Happy Hallowe'en, folks!

Modern Stoneage Family

2005-10-27T15:32:00.000-04:00

I'm at work as I type this. Not that I'm actually working yet. Damned Wilma set us back to practically the stone age. But we're doing okay without electricity. Breakfast and dinner are a challenge, each night. But we're managing. Since I have gas, cooking's a lot easier for me than for most. I waited on line for a bit to get ice, today. Now the kids' milk and that last ham-steak will not go bad.
I work a bit of a distance from my house, even though The Big A has a closer facility. I'm at the closer facility to read my email and type this little blog message. Hopefully, gas will soon be available in lines less than 3 hours long.
Now I need to pick up the kids and then, it's back home to a stinky fridge. Ugghhh!
I'll have pix once we get electricity.... sometime next year!

Wilmaaaaa!

Long Time no Blog

2005-10-05T01:50:00.000-04:00

Yeah, yeah... I know. I haven't updated my blog since Idon'tknowwhen.
I been really busy, what with my garage getting a make-over, new soffit and fascia being installed, hurricanes threatening us, and 3rd Shift keeping me busy busy busy.
At least my boss is letting me do more course (and web) design.
All the work being done on the house was way too expensive, but it was all done quite nicely. Having taken everything out of the garage, we now have to go through it before putting anything back. I can't believe how many 1980's comic books we still own. Some really nice ones, too. I'm afraid we need to get rid of some of them, though. >sniff<
I get Netflix, now, so I'm catching up on some movies I've wanted to see. I finally saw Garden State, Grosse Pointe Blank, and a few other good ones. I've also shared some corny old comedies with my kids, like The Great Race and The Incredible Mr. Limpet. Tomorrow: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Oohhhhh. Scary, I hope.
In theaters, we all saw The March of the Penguins. A little slow, at times, but I learned a lot. The theater was a bit cold, which helped put us into the Arctic (or is that Antarctic?) environment. Well, not really. It wasn't exactly 50 degrees below in the theater.
Today I saw The Corpse Bride. I love it when Tim Burton seems to do what he really wants to do. This is almost as good a Nightmare Before Christmas.

I've got some pictures to upload, so maybe there will be more to show and tell in a few days. If I can make the time....

Living in Florida Sucks (with a capital "S")

2005-08-26T22:23:00.000-04:00

Well, it just plain sucks to live in Florida.
Hurricane Katrina hit South Florida and we South Floridians continued to do stupid things...
like the guy who tried driving his semi in the storm, only to have it pushed over while trying to ride over an overpass. And the other poor fools who left their homes and tried to go on with life. And died. A tree fell on one guy in a car and one guy out of a car. Both died. So did the idiot who tried to drive in the mess and smacked into a tree. Trees + 90 mile an hour Winds + Rain = Death.
We're now up to 7 deaths from this measly category one storm. Man, I shuttered up the house and hunkered down (well maybe not hunkered down) with my wife and kids and waited it out.

Here's what Katrina did to a ficus tree a few streets down from me:

The damned thing blocks Fig Tree Lane... a major entry into our development (though luckily, not the only entry.)

I lost some Mango tree branches but got my electricity back before most of my friends. So I guess I came out of it okay.

Sometimes I think that man really was not meant to last as long as we have, on this unpredictable Earth.

Wonderfully Politically Incorrect, Part Two

2005-08-26T10:20:00.000-04:00

Reserve Thursday nights for FX.
Really. If you'd like to have a good laugh before bed, I highly recommend the two newest Mature Adult shows with the most immature subject matter:
Starved features a group of friends with eating disorders. What will you see in a show like this?
See! a bulemic cop pull over a bicycle riding Chinese food delivery boy so he can confiscate the delivery.
See! a well-built black man eat dinner for two every night, only to throw it all up.
See! the commodities trader who has his assistant lock up his chocolate snack cakes... the ones he's willing to eat out of a trash can, when desperate enough.
See! the rotund writer who visits an S&M parlor so he can watch football on TV while "spanking" a marital surrogate.
See! a bisexual anorexic bulemic singer songwriter compete for the lowest body-fat index... against a recovering cancer patient!
See! the commodities trader not follow his doctor's advice, resulting in testicles the size of grapefruits!
One hilarious show is followed up by another: It's Aways Sunny in Philadelphia, a show about four 30 somethings who act like glue sniffing teens.
One week, the guys are hanging out a anti-abortion rallies... to pick up chicks for hot sex!
The next week... they're opening their bar for underage teens, allowing them to purchase watered-down drinks. They also windup invited the the prom! Welll.... sort of.

You just have to see these shows to believe them.
See them.

Wonderfully Politically Incorrect, Part One.

2005-08-23T07:26:00.000-04:00

I've totally abandoned regular broadcast networks. NBC? CBS? ABC? I don't ever seem to be able to click the channel down arrow past 42.

On Monday Nights, I watch the Travel Channel. Not for its insightful documentaries about tribal natives. I watch for Cash Peters. Cash used to lend his body and voice to some wild segments on NPR's weekly travel show. He would travel to quirky tourist traps and describe them to radio listeners. Places like the Barbed Wire Museum and the Lizzie Borden Bed and Breakfast (Bacon? No thank you). The best thing about his commentaries is the fact that he's brutally honest in a charmingly sarcastic way. He doesn't hold back his thoughts or questions, asking things like, "Why would anybody ever want to visit a museum dedicated to barbed wire?"
He's also writtten a book or two, Cash has.
And now he's on TV. The show is called Stranded, and the concept is a bit silly and knows it. Cash is stranded in some quirky part of the world without any cash. He charms his way into a native's heart and bums meals and a one night stay. This fast half hour show entertains greatly as Cash voices his opinions and observations while sometimes insulting the natives by simply being honest. Last night he visited Solvang, a California town that looked so Dutch that it could have been beamed to California from its founders' native country. Cash discovered many interesting things in Solvang: Cafes and bakeries, A Dutch History Museum, cafes and bakeries, a doll store, a "not-so-secret-society," and some cafes and bakeries. One baker even took him home for a restful night, reading him a story before bed!
At the doll shop, he asks the proprietor for a doll while somehow managing to insult the Dutch. Of course he apologized, but he did it somewhat left-handedly and got a bit of a dirty look for it. Apparently, the Dutch are very generous. In any case, she gave him the doll (he couldn't very well buy the thing since he had no money and you're quite sure that if he had had some money he wouldn't have bought the doll anyway).
If you're willing to sit through a commercial, you can see an ad clip, here.

Check out the show's schedule. Check out the show.

Tomorrow, I'll continue with an introduction to two new show on FX that take political incorrectness to new heights: "Are you hitting on me? At an abortion rally??"

The Great and Evil Beast: Zotob

2005-08-17T08:08:00.000-04:00

My niece has been reading a lot of H. P. Lovecraft. Though I've not read his horror stories, I'm a little familiar with his extremely original monster concepts: Giant octopi and ugly things with too many tentacles. He came up with great names for them, too. Names like: Cthulhu (the big octopus guy), Mi-Go (a race of yeti-folk), Tsathoggua (toad-like god-creature), Shub-Niggurath (Hellish cloud-like entity), and the Shoggoths (luminous and bubbly, they are).

I came across a new beast, today. The Great and Evil Beast Zotob.
This is another dark and tentacled monster created by the horrendous god-like being known as Gates, for its innate ability to open the gates from Hell to let loose numerous evils.
Any poor soul who cannot afford to employ a large force of guardians may be attacked by this nasty slithery thing.

Imagine that you are ruling over a large fortress, managing all of its soldiers, servants, and resources.
Once it gains access to your fortress, all is lost. Its many tentacles slither from one part of the compound to another and then another and so on... spreading little more than fear; but then fear may be quite effective at slowing down or halting the work of your servants.
They will lose many of their contacts with the outside world and have to scramble around like maniacs trying desperately to do what they've been trained to do for much of their miserable lives.
Your officers will need to make some hard decisions; sending some servants home while temporarily exporting their tasks to your allies in another region. That is, if your allies have not also been attacked by the hideous Zotob.

My day at The Big A Fortress has just begun. And already... it's been a strange one. Yes. We were attacked by Zotob. We're not paralyzed.

But we are scrambling.

Hey! He posted, again!

2005-07-28T08:16:00.000-04:00

Yes. It has been quite some time.
But computer issues and laziness have ruled, of late. Here's your reward, if you've been bothering to check on me:

Non-Fat Spiced Rice Puddin’

Ingredients:
2 Cups Non-fat Milk
1 dash Freshly Grated Nutmeg
¼ Cup (lightly packed) Brown Sugar
1 dash of Salt
¼ Cup granulated Sugar
3 Whole Cloves
1 teaspoon Honey
1 teaspoon of Whole Cardamom
¼ teaspoon Cinnamon
½ Cup Raisins
¼ teaspoon Powdered Ginger
2 Cups Cooked Rice *

Instructions:
Place non-fat milk into a four quart saucepan and turn heat on medium/ medium low.
Add sugars and honey and stir constantly until it all dissolves.
Lightly crush the whole cardamom seeds under a small saucepan or similarly heavy object.
Add the cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, salt, cloves and cardamom.
Heat until scalded (when it begins to show bubbles at the edges of the pan). Remove from heat and allow to steep for at least 20 minutes.
Strain the liquid through a sieve and return to the pan.
Add the raisins and rice
Return to medium heat, stirring occasionally (approx. 15 minutes) The liquid will thicken as the rice becomes more tender.
The pudding will thicken even more as it cools.
May be eaten warm or chilled.Store in a refrigerator in a tightly sealed plastic container.

Notes:
All of the spices are optional. Feel free to omit, substitute, or alter the quantities to your own tastes.
* To keep this dessert fat-free, cook the rice using your usual method, omitting any oil or butter.

What am I? Part 2

2005-06-14T15:04:00.000-04:00

How can one score as high as "The Beast" as one does "Donald Duck"? Rediculous. I'm very much more Donald than the Beast! And I probably should have been The Goof! Bogus!
I shouldn't complain... what if I'd scored high as Cinderella?

You scored as The Beast. Your alter ego is The Beast! But that is only a name... you are kind hearted and sweet, people just misunderstand you.

The Beast

81%

Donald Duck

81%

Goofy

69%

Peter Pan

56%

Ariel

50%

Pinocchio

50%

Cinderella

44%

Sleeping Beauty

44%

Snow White

19%

Cruella De Ville

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com

What am I? Part 1

2005-06-14T14:54:00.000-04:00

Gee, I'm an Existentialist and I don't even know what that means!
You see, I took a quiz. And Quizzes on the net know all!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

You scored as Existentialism. Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”
“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”
--Jean-Paul Sartre

“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”
--Blaise Pascal

More info at Arocoun's" Wikipedia User Page...

Existentialism

65%

Utilitarianism

60%

Hedonism

55%

Apathy

55%

Justice (Fairness)

45%

Kantianism

45%

Strong Egoism

40%

Nihilism

10%

Divine Command

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

Now this is funny!

2005-06-07T14:25:00.000-04:00

Maybe Vanilla Ice played one???

Paula!

2005-06-03T08:02:00.000-04:00

Last Saturday, Terrible T and I took my mom, my sister, and a couple of my coworkers to see Paula Poundstone. I use the word, "took" loosely, since I didn't have to pay for tickets. Paula's manager, Bonnie Burns, and I have become virtual friends. Bonnie comped us the tickets for the Improv at the Hard Rock Casino in Hollywood (Florida).

It was interesting to see how everyone at our table was reacting to Paula's routine. Mom was howling, as were Terrible T and I. Naidabel seemed to get most of the jokes and laughed more politely. Werner, however, barely cracked a smile. I think we need to work on breaking that stiff board he's got bonded to his back and loosen him up a bit.

The folks at the Improv were wonderful. That sat us right up front. In the hot seats. Paula decided to dialog with my sister Sue, who is a technical writer. She writes the user manuals (that no one reads) for the company that makes the loss prevention equipment for retail stores. Paula picked on her mercilessly, asking her a bunch of questions and teasing her every time she hesitated while trying to find a good way to answer Paula's questions.

When Sue made the joke about no one reading the manuals, Paula shamed her for having the wrong attitude. After asking what hardware Sue had most recently written a manual for (those alarm tag detachers that electronically remove the tag... if the cashier actually remembers that the item has a tag!) Paula went on to tell her own horror story about leaving a store with the tag still attached.

What was really nice was getting to meet Paula between shows. We were escorted into "The Green Room" where Paula was resting up. She greeted us kindly and even went on to recall another funny story. Fun was had by all and I can't wait until she's back in town, again.

Left to right: Terrible T, Me, Paula, Naidabel, and Werner. Ain't we cute?

I'm Baaaack

2005-05-25T08:36:00.000-04:00

School Days:
Been a while, hasn't it?
I've still been really busy at work, busy trying to act like a real husband, busy remortgaging the house so we have some money to spend on it, busy taking that final math class that will earn me my Bachelor's degree... and so and and so on, and so on....

I missed half a point on one of the exams, but aced The Final. I should get an A. I have a 3.98 Grade-Point Avereage, now. We'll have to see if I can get it back up to a respectable 3.99 GPA. (Damn John Russette, the Project Management instructor who gave me an A-!!!)

Any way...
I am still awaiting the actual official grade and then have to fill out forms and ensure there's nothing left that's required by UoP. Then I'll get the degree in 4-6 weeks, or some shit like that.

Paula Poundstone:
My wife and I and two friends from work are planning to see the infamous Paula Poundstone, Saturday Night. I've befriended Paula's manager via this wonderful World Wide Web. So I think Im going to be Paula's "Special Guest." That means the Improv comped us the table and tickets. We only have to pay for the two drink minimum... and that's no problem.
We should also get to see Paula, back stage, after the show.

I guess I'll get to name-drop a lot, after that:
Me: "Hey, I got to meet Paula Poundstone. She's so cool. Just a regular guy! And she's so damned funny! She doesn't look as pretty when you see her close-up, but she's really very nice."
22 year old co-worker: "Paula Who?"

I met Paula's manager, Bonnie, when I passed through Paula's web site. She emailed me asking how I'd found the site and how they could get more visitors. I started giving little bits of advice and the back-and-forth emails have continued.

I've offered even more help, but I'd have to charge them actual cash and they, apparently, can't spare much. Ahhh... those damned legal fees.

Don't understand the reference? Do some Googling!

Blog-hopping

2005-04-30T18:38:00.000-04:00

Occaisionally, when bored, I like to go Blog-hopping. It's like surfing the web, but stupider. Since I hop from one blog to another, at random, I end up on many inane blogs written by 14 year old Japanese girls who love pink text on lavender backgrounds and java infected cursors that make you sea-sick. Sometimes, though, you find pretty cool sites. My Linkzards even link to one or two.
You can try blog-hopping yourself, just click on the little button on the top right of my page that looks like:

Sometimes you find these really weird sites that must have been randomly genereated to get hits from searches. I don't know if they're trying to gain business for another web site or pull business away from sites. But they're pretty strange:

If you look carefully, you can see many references to online casinos. I've never followed their internal links, but I suspect I'd find myself on one of those notorious money-draining sites.

Try some blog-hopping yourself. It's sorta like hitting Google's "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

As promised:

2005-04-25T22:51:00.000-04:00

My father's memorial picnic, Sunday, went very well. Mom served some Passover food, like gefilte fish and macaroons. I was the "Master of Ceremonies" introducing people and reading a few things off of the program my sister had put together. Many of us took turns saying nice things about Dad.
After the ceremony my brother-in-law Rich and I had a cell-phone camera duel:

So I won't call it a somber occasion. We celebrated Dad's life, rather than sit around and moan about him beiong gone...

Earlier, I promised that I'd publish the little speech I'd written for the picnic. And I try not to break my promises, so... here goes:

All of you know that Dad was an Engineer. A Chemical Engineer. But Dad had many other professions, as well.

Did you know that, at one time or another, Dad dabbled in each of the following occupations? He was a

Sports Manager
Scout Leader
Behavior Modification Specialist
Chauffeur
Middle and High School Band Martyr
Computer Sharing Pioneer College Scholarship CFO
Banker
Mechanic
Career Advisor
Plumber
Appliance Repairman
Carpenter
Stereoscopic Convention Companion
Electrician
and
Great Encourager.
Yes, Dad encouraged me to do all of those things I was too lazy to really want to do, even when I thought I wanted to do them.
“I wanna play baseball.”
“I wanna learn Judo.”
“I wanna be a boy scout.”

Of course I never wanted to be a mechanic or a plumber or a chemical engineer, and those were the things that really fired up Dad. Too bad he didn’t want to sit with me and play Scrabble or read the comic book I’d read so we could discuss it.
He’d lay out a blueprint drawing of a battery and tell me everything I never wanted to know about “-odes”: electrodes, diodes, biodes and triodes.

In some ways I really wish I could have been more like him. It would be nice not to have to call out a plumber every time the sink gets stopped up... or worse.
We really had so little in common. Dad didn’t take me to ball games because he loved to watch little kids swing bats. He wasn’t much for camping, either. Not all that long ago, Mom confessed that Dad would wait until I was asleep in my tent and then sneak home to sleep in his own cushy bed only to return to the campout before dawn.

He may have done it his own way, but he did it. He was there for me when I wanted to learn Judo so I could gain the confidence to fight back when I was picked on, at school.

He was there for me when my car broke down... ...wherever it broke down.

He was there for me when I needed a ride home from work because I couldn’t turn my head more than a half an inch left or right.

He went to San Antonio with me because he realized that my interest in 3D photography was true and not some passing phase. And Dad was always interested in photography, too.

Now that I think of it, once, I did change out some light switches and electrical sockets, so I suppose some of that technical stuff wore off on me.

I was recently the Cub Master for Marc’s scout pack. We went camping and my back was really killing me. I would have loved to go home and sleep in my own bed, but Marc and I shared a tent. So I couldn’t have gotten away with it.

A while back, I tiled our bathroom sink counter.

I also put shelves up in our hallway closet.

Aww heck... maybe we weren’t so different after all.

Dad... I really do miss you. You see... Marc and I have been working on his science project and I can’t quite figure out how to use your micrometer.

People Think I'm Crazy...

2005-04-22T05:59:00.000-04:00

But I must be perfectly normal.

THIS GUY is nuts!

Blog-time

2005-04-21T02:59:00.000-04:00

I've got none of it. I'd love to say all I'd love to say, but I'm due back on the floor to run a machine that opens up about 10,000 pieces of mail per hour. Been berry berry busy.
I'm also going back to University of Phoenix for that one blasted class I need to get that $#^%&ing Bachelor's Degree. Five weeks of excellerated learning Hell.
Not to mention Dad's Memorial, Sunday, and I'm seeing Dave Attell Saturday night and somewhere in there I have to help Marc finish his Field Trip Scrap Book.

Shoot me now.

For Boggle Lovers Everywhere

2005-04-13T02:54:00.000-04:00

Here's a challenging Boggle puzzle. If you don't know how to play, read on. If you do know how... skip to the puzzle.
Look at the puzzle, below. Pick a letter to start with and continue to any letter touching it. Keep going from letter to letter until you find a word. Write down as many words as you can find, this way. Note that you may not use the same letter twice in one word.
In the puzzle, below, you can make the words LAG and LUG and MADE, but not FEAR. The "F" does not touch the "E" (and the "A" doesn't touch the "R"). Nor can you make the word MUM, since you can't use the "M" twice in one word. Good Luck.

D D L F
R E A U
T T M G
A S N E

Different people use different point systems. I use what the local newspaper uses:
3 letter words are worth 1 point.
4 letters = 2 points
5 letters = 3 points
6 letters = 4 points
7 letters = 6 points
8 letters = 10 points
9 or more = 15 points

Comment with your scores!

A really cool and addictive website

2005-04-13T02:42:00.000-04:00

20Q is just like a game of 20 Questions, except it's a computer trying to guess what you're thinking. If you try to be honest with your answers, it's surprisingly good at guessing. It guessed coffee, opal, PDA, and it even scolded me for trying to get it to guess penis. I was able to confuse it a few times, but it gets smarter as it plays... and it's been playing thousands of games a day for many years!
Try it. It's a blast!

A little bit of this & a little bit of that...

2005-04-10T13:08:00.000-04:00

Eulogy
We're going to have a (mostly) family get-together to honor my father, who passed away in March. My mother has asked me to speak at the gathering and act as the person who would run the procedings. I can't help but think of this as a request to be the M.C. of some program...
"What a wonderful poem that Harold's granddaughter has read! Don, tell the young lady what she's won!"
Then of course, I had to write something for me to read. Sure, I could read the things that the rest of my family has been putting together for this memorial picnic, but everyone knows I can write a little, so I thought it was sorta expected that I would have my own speech. A eulogy.
But it's kinda hard to think of things to write about my dad. For the most part, we were opposites. Dad loved to spend time under a car or a sink. I like to watch Cartoon Network on my comfy chair. Dad wanted me to understand the complexities of the experiments he'd perform at work. I wanted to play Scrabble.
I've written the "speech" and I think it's honest and loving. But now I feel like the Corporate Course Designer that knows he isn't going to get a chance to pilot the class before he has to roll it out. And I'm the Instructor, too. I guess I'm a bit more nervous than I normally would be if the same thing happened at The Big A.
This is personal.
Wish me luck. If all goes well, I'll post the speech here on my blog.

Thai-Buns
We wanted to take the kids out for a nice meal, last night. We had a gift certificate for Bonefish Grill, but they had an hour wait.
So we drove into Fort Lauderdale to see if we could get a table at The Melting Pot, which just opened in a new location. They informed us that their next opening was at 9:00 PM. We declined, but they were nice enough to give us a $10.00 Gift Certificate for our next visit (Sunday through Thursday).
So we went to our old stand-by Thai restaurant, Suko Thai. We sat in the back near the bathrooms and this little cut-out in the wall. It wasn't deep enough for books or large statuary. So they painted it black and rubbed some silver leaf all over it. They added a few vases with silk roses and, for some strange reason, a couple of small figurines of butt-naked asian babies. They look like the Oriental version of a couple of tacky figurines Terrible T likes to keep in our bathroom.
Cute. Tacky is Universal.

Our Bathroom Baby

Suko Thai's Version

Where's Chuck?

2005-04-08T12:59:00.000-04:00

Man, I've been real busy at work teaching people how to open envelopes. When not working, I'm helping marc with his Field Trip scrap book and his science fair project, Flimsy Bones.
Don't ask, Don't ask.
I'm still hoping to get a copy of Dreamweaver, soon, so I can make a web site and put a whole bunch of shit on a web page for all to see.
Probably a mistake, but I don't make nearly enough of them...

Daddy, can we go home, now????

2005-03-28T14:52:00.000-05:00

Boy, I must be crazy. I plan on taking the kids with me on March of Dimes' WalkAmerica, in April. I'm quite sure we son't make it to six full miles. I'll be happy with two miles without whining.
Because of Terrible T's very premature birth, I think that this is a great cause. I have no idea whether or not the March of Dimes was instrumental in saving T, but the same type of dedicated doctors and nurses definitely played important roles.
Click here... right this very minute, to sponsor me. It doesn't have to be a lot. Every little bit helps.
Also: The person who sponsors me at the highest level (ties to be broken in a random manner) will win a prize! of my own devising (meaning it'll be cheap).
Of course, if I don't know you, I may not be able to get the prize to you. If such a thing should occur... well... tough titties.

Obladi Oblada

2005-03-24T09:23:00.000-05:00

I’ve been sick, this week. No surprise. Marc came home from Washington D.C. with some virus. He’s gotten over it, but, now Alex is sick, Grandma is sick, and I am too. We haven’t visited Grandma since our return from Gainesville, last weekend, so she can’t blame us for what she’s got. Shit’s just going around, I guess.

Good News: University of Phoenix has finally added a couple of Math courses to their Upper Division curriculum. This means I won’t have to try to CLEP the Math test or go to another school to take a Math course and then have the credits transferred. By mid-June, I should be (finally) finished with my Bachelor of Science in Business Management. And if I don’t screw up horribly, I’ll end up with a really good GPA.

I suppose I’ll have to go out and get drunk.

Oh. BTW: I have been submitting more pictures to the Mirror Project. You can see all of my pictures, here. I’ve recently started to add the word “fuzzy” into the text or the title of the submission. I doubt that many people will be doing searches based on the word “fuzzy”, but it’s kinda fun to stack the deck, when they do.

And Time Continues its Inevitable March

2005-03-21T15:58:00.000-05:00

What a weekend!
Thursday at about 8:30 PM: I bring Frances, big tank and all, to Irene's house so she can watch her and feed her over the weekend. I check her computer to see about Marc's flight. It's going to be late. 11:30 PM: Marc arrives at Ft. Lauderdale International Airport from his Washington D.C. field trip. I'm in bed by 2:00 AMish.
Friday we wake up early to get ready to go to Gainesville. Damn. It always takes so much longer to get ready than it should. We're on the road at Noon. About six hours later....
My sister Beth has a roast waiting for us. Alex won't eat roast. She's eats Challah and butter. Beth and I then go on a wild-Rich hunt. My brother-in-law Rich took a bus up to Gainesville and we were supposed to meet him in a certain parking lot. I hadn't brought my cell phone. I didn't know Beth's was broken. No phone. We're running a bit late since we passed our turn and had to look around for that particular parking lot. Meanwhile, Rich decides it's too cold to stand in the parking lot waiting for us. He heads over to the nearest open building. We drive all over the place and finally stop to go to a pay phone and call Terrrible T, who is at Beth's with the kids. We finally have him cornered, beat him about the head generously, and toss him into the trunk, so he can't get away. Rich has to call my niece Laura to tell her she doesn't need to pick him up. Rich had already started the ball rolling on his Plan B. Another late night.
Saturday, we drop Rich off at his property so he can work on building his garage. The rest of us head to a plant show. Nice. Except now Marc is feeling ill.
Rich is visited by a University of Florida professor and two busloads of students who want to see the pair of burrowing owls that just happen to live on Rich's property. Cool. One of only three known pairs in that part of the state. Richard continues to build without cutting off any vital body parts.
Marc and I stay home while the girls (including Laura) go and do some girlie stuff. We watch Daredevil, which could have been a pretty good movie without its star. Actually, I thought that it wasn't quite as bad as everyone else thought. Beth bought it for $1 as part of her registration in a DVD club. Daredevil = $1.00. Works for me. We could have watched Master and Commander, but I didn't want Marc to have to see a kid his own age getting an arm cut off.
We pick up Rich and go to dinner (excluding Laura, who had too much homework) at a really nice Japanese Tepanyaki Steak House. Even Marc enjoyed it. Thank you, Tylenol.
Sunday we go out for breakfast. Biscuits the size of saucers. Alex eats a biscuit with butter. No. She doesn't. Not really.
We head on over to the Museum of Natural History. Bio-bugs, Bones, and Butterflies. Wow. That place has really expanded since the last time we visited.
Then came the long ride home (Rich included, hitching the return trip). It's about 9:00 when we finally empty most of the car...
... so I can drive over to Irene's and rescue her from Frances, our killer tortoise. Not one poop out of that girl. I have to wonder what gifts she left for Terrible T, today, now that she's home.

Today: Up at 5:50 and at work before 7:00. >sniff<
Alex was complaining, last night, that she'd caught whatever it is that Marc brought home for us, from Washington. And now I've got the sniffles.

And yes. I still have time to think about Dad. Lots.

Bye, Dad

2005-03-17T21:06:00.000-05:00

It feels weird.
Dad died, yesterday.
And I don't really feel much different.
Sure, I'm sad. But I'm also relieved that he left us before it became too painful and uncomfortable for him.
I didn't see him, after Saturday. He still looked pretty good. But I think I'll remember him by the last photo I took of him.
I'll post it when I get a chance. For now...
On with life.

Good bye Dad, We Hardly Knew Ya

2005-03-15T19:45:00.000-05:00

I sat here a bit wondering what to write. But what does a person write while waiting for a parent to die? Dad's been on a hospice program for well over a year. He's 82 and all too near 83 years old. So it's not like we haven't been expecting his visit from "The Big D".
But it's close, now. Oh so ever near to happening. And though I didn't think I'd be this way, it's all I've really been thinking about while I'm not concentrating on work. Or helping Alex with her homework, or cooking dinner, or taking Marc to the airport, or trying to escape into a good French film.
I know I'm rambling.
I want to ramble.
I think it helps.

Mom called last night to tell me that Dad's kidneys have failed him. Expected. It just goes with the territory. He's not eaten nor has he had much to drink since two Saturdays ago. What's it like to not eat for over a week? Does he even care?

Did he know it was me, when I visited this week and I could actually feel him holding my hand when I told him I loved him?
Did I tell him that for him or for me?

I didn't wish him a swift death and a ride to heaven. I don't believe in heaven. So I just wished him comfort and he really did look comfortable and out of pain.

I worked today. Terrible T called me a number of times. Every God Damned time the phone vibrated I figured that it was my Mom calling. She could be trying to call me this very second, to give me the news. But I'm tying up the line. And I'm charging the cell phone... and it's off.

Is Dad dying this very moment, or will he last a few more miserable days? Hopefully, not miserable for him. But certainly for us.

Tomorrow, I'm back to work. To try to keep my mind on my work and feel for the tell-tale vibratory buzz of my Motorola V-Something-or-other. The inevitable call.

Right now I want to sleep for a few days. But duty calls. Alex needs a bath and Ivette needs me to show up for my participants tomorrow... bright and early with a smile on my face.

I saw Wil Wheaton acting out a part as a crazy homeless man, a few days (or was it years?) ago. Great job. But I wonder if I could do better.
I'm an Ac-tor!
Every day I show up for a class I play the "happy-go-lucky corporate trainer" who thinks the company he works for is the cat's pajamas and that all of his students are the brightest and the best of the best even when they don't know their computer mouse from a fluffy cloud.

Sometimes I really could not care less. Luckily, this week, the students are catching on quicker than I'd expected. And Ana's kinda cute. And I love the way one of Jo's eyes is often looking off in another direction.

I wish I could look in some some other direction, right now.

My eyes are burning. Am I just tired, or did I stare at the sun, again?

A Letter To Wil

2005-03-11T20:44:00.000-05:00

Wil,
You tell us (we who frequent your blog) that you read all of the comments and Track-Backs. And I prefer to believe you. I’ve tracked back to your blog before. I screwed up the track -backs, the first few times, but Haloscan helped me figure out what I’d been doing wrong. So, I have to assume that you’ve been here before (not that you’ve left any comments).
After reading today’s post, I have to say I disagree with one point about your performance on CSI, last night: I do not agree with Nolan. Not exactly.
I do not think that Walter was all that scary. Certainly Creepy. But, scary? Not quite.
I’ve been trying to think of a way to describe it. Maybe tense. Better yet - intense. I wasn’t exactly scared of Walter, but I couldn’t help thinking that he was an over-tightened spring, ready lash out unpredictably at anything. Filthy, disturbed, argumentative, and potentially scary. Potentially dangerous. With virtually nothing but a few minutes of screen time, you gave us a character to remember.
I was amazed at your transformation. Little Wesley Crusher mutated into a mentally unbalanced homeless man. Just like the real ones we see all too often; wandering the streets with their collection of personal possessions stuffed into an old Neiman Marcus shopping bag. sad
Had I not read your blog... had I not seen your name in the credits... I would have waded through the show utterly oblivious to the fact that that was Wil Wheaton hiding under the scraggly hair and behind the demented sneer.

"My! Name! Is! Walter!" Creeeepy.

Until last night, I was a CSI virgin. The characters were new to me. The directorial style was new to me. The visual momentary flashes of possibilities were ingenious. I guess I’ll have to watch again.
But it wasn’t just you, Wil. The other actors shined, too. That fratricidal 14 year old is liable to give me nightmares. He made me wonder what it would be like if my 11 year old took a pipe to my 6 year old.

Shit.

Now that’s scary.

Just When you Thought it was Safe to go Back to Weston...

2005-03-09T07:49:00.000-05:00

I'm back "home" in my office at Weston. Preparing for yet another new class to instruct as part of The Big Project.
I'm starting the class on Monday and some of the course materials are still changing... not to mention the target audience. I am so confused about the entire affair. But, as always, I'll do my best.
Luckily, a "Subject Matter Expert" (SME) will be in class with me. Un-luckily, the SME has little experience with an entire piece of process we're attempting to teach them. Hence the quotes around "Subject Matter Expert". Not that it's her fault.
Are there hit-men for really bad project managers??? I'd love to take up a collection and hire one. Heck, I'm sure I'd collect more than I usually do when I have to sell stuff for my kids' school.

Footnote: Check out the section: "But at the Beginning" on this grammar web page before faulting me for using "But" at the beginning of a sentence.

Welcome Home Martha!

2005-03-04T10:16:00.000-05:00

Domestic Diva Martha Stewart has returned to her home from the grueling five months of hard time she carried out at Alderson.
Reportedly, the first thing she did when she arrived at her modest little mansion was to cook up a perfectly fluffy French omelet. She then put on her white glove and inspected the house to ensure that the housekeeping had been satisfactory.

After a quick visit to the hidden safe in her 50 square foot walk-in closet, Martha reappeared donning her simple-yet-elegant diamond earrings.
“It was wonderful to finally be able to sit down on a toilet seat when taking a shit,” she confided to a friend. She then apologized to the friend for having used such vulgar language.

We are all happy to see Martha come home. Her stock rocketed during her extended visit to Alderson, so she won’t likely be bothering her friends for a handout, any time soon. She may even have started a trend, according to the article appearing at JohnnyDakota (borrowed from the Borowitz Report).

Crime surely does pay.

The only downside to Martha’s house arrest is that she will only be allowed to work outside the home for 48 hours each week. We hope that Martha can find enough to do, since she was used to working over 83.5 hours per week and there’s only so much a diva can do in her own (almost spotlessly clean) home. Her outside work is likely to include dinner at The Four Seasons with her newest partner, Donald Trump.

“This partnership is almost perfect.” said Martha in one of her first post-prison interviews, “I only wish Donald would get a damned haircut.” She then apologized profusely for using such vulgar language. “I suppose I picked up a few bad habits at Alderson,” she explained as she stood at her pantry door, waiting for the guards to open it.

What Passes

2005-03-03T12:26:00.000-05:00

“Goodnight my angel now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child will cry and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me”
Billy Joel

I often wonder what life would be like if I weren’t a father:

It’s very likely that I would have been able to go to the National Stereoscopic Association Convention nearly every year.
I would have lost a few thousand dollars of tax deductions.
I wouldn’t have a book-full of funny things the kids have said.
I’d have a big flat-screen TV and surround sound.
I wouldn’t have Frances, our tortoise.

I can do without the TV and the enlarged 3D collection. But the thought of a day without Marc or Alex is actually painful. Marc’s going on a field trip very soon. Man am I scared. Not for him, of course, but for Terrible T and me!

I also wonder what I’ve given my kids. Is it enough? Would it ever be enough?

I’ve given them both a bit of my ridiculous sense of humor.
I’ve given them some of my bad habits. (“Alex, don’t pick your nose.” Daddy, don’t pick your nose!”)
I gave Marc “Happy Talk” as a nightly lullaby.
I gave Alexandra “That’s Amore” as her nightly lullaby. Hell. It was the only song she’d ever let me sing to her.
I’ve given them nearly unconditional love. (Yes. I will love you when you put your damned shoes away!”)
I’ve given them Ray Harryhausen and FLUXX.
I’ve given them my flu.

I only hope that someday, when they have kids of their own, they’ll pass down a bit of the same.

That Star Trek Kid Gets to Play a Homeless Psycho!

2005-03-01T08:33:00.000-05:00

I like to think of Wil Wheaton as my little brother. Not because I'm such a big fan of his work, but because I'm proud of his growth as a person and a father. He seems like a really cool dad. Certainly cooler than me.
So... when I read his Blog, I'm always looking for good news and interesting family stories. The good news? He landed a role on CSI. I've always thought he could end up a pretty good adult actor, if given the chance. He was pretty darn good in Stand by Me.
I know it can be difficult to make the transition from kid-star to adult actor. Look at Diff'rent Strokes: Todd Brideges got arrested, Gary Coleman got laughed at, and Dana Plato got dead. After doing some porn. Not particularly good transitions.
Helen Hunt, Kurt Russel, and some others did fine. And many others transitioned into non-acting jobs.
Wil has somehow managed to stay on the fringe and continue to keep a fan base, of sorts. And he's continued to learn how to hone his acting skills. Obviously CSI thought he'd be worth a try. They even put him into a role that would stretch his skills and surprise their audience. He doesn't play a highschool genius or a young up and commer.
He plays a dirty psychotic street bum.
Now that sounds like fun. I've never seen CSI, but you can bet I plan to tune in!

... and the naked little gold guy went to...

2005-02-28T10:56:00.000-05:00

I haven't seen The Aviator, yet. It won a number of Oscars, so maybe I will go see it, soon.
I have no desire to Million Dollar Baby, brilliant or not. I'm sure that Clint and Hillary deserved the Oscars they received. I'm just not in the mood to get depressed.
I got to see some of the show, but had to go to sleep relatively early. I was thrilled to hear it when The Incedibles won for Best Animated feature. Well deserved.
This morning, I found out that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind won for Best Original Screenplay. Hooray for Charlie Kauffman! 'bout time!
I guess I'll go see Sideways, too. It won for Best Adapted Screenplay.
Now... I'd better get back to work.

...and the naked little gold guy goes to...

2005-02-25T13:35:00.000-05:00

This time of year, many of us recall the movies we’d seen the previous year. Because, very soon, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will give awards in their yearly popularity contest… err... in their Oscar Ceremony.
I used to try to go to the movies once every other week or so.
It’s been a bit harder to do that, of late.
I did, however, get to see some pretty good movies, this year.
Fahrenheit 9/11 was a blast to see, but obviously didn’t change many minds. I’m afraid that nasty propaganda only works well on conservatives. Moore was preaching to the choir. And MM pulled out of the Oscar contest to let some others share his slime-light. (I have a Love-Hate relationship with MM. Sorry.)
My favorite of the year had to be Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Charlie Kaufmann really blows my mind (as we used to say in the sixties). I guess I love having my mind blown.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was a lot like the others only a little bit darker. It’s an improvement. Of course, by nature, there were no real surprises.
I, Robot was okay. I hadn’t read any of the Asimov stories, so I had no preconceptions. And the Fresh Prince is always fun to watch. (Okay. Maybe not so fun in The Wild Wild West).
Shark Tale got the whole family to the theater and was worth the visit for that, alone.
Shrek 2 got rave reviews, but I still think the first one was better.
Spider-Man 2 surprised me. Pleasantly. I think that they’re doing the right thing for that property. I can’t wait to see if the next movie includes “Son of The Green Goblin”.
The Incredibles were. That was my second favorite movie of 2004. What a blast. I especially liked the soundtrack.
The Polar Express was another fun family film. I saw it in 3D IMAX with the kids. I don’t think it would have been nearly as fun in a regular 2D theater.
Troy was a waste. Eric Bana was the only actor that seemed to be putting forth much of an effort, and (as I understand it) the script writers made no efforts to stay true to the original stories. Where’d the gods go??
Movies I didn’t see but really wanted to include Oscar nominees: Finding Neverland, House of Flying Daggers, Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events, Sideways, Super Size Me, The Aviator.
So… what movies would you like to see taking home Oscars? Or could you really care less?

Whoopee! Now I'm a Half-Nerd!

2005-02-25T13:27:00.000-05:00

I decided to take my technical woes to Haloscan and post a question in their technical forum. See my last post if I'm losing you (you'll just have to scroll down, since I'm not exactly sure how to link to old posts, yet (thereby making me only a Half-Nerd)).
So anyways... the techie-guy was very nice and replied to my issue very quickly (nice surprise). Turns out I was pinging correctly but using the wrong URL to refer back to my blog. I tried pinging Wil, again, and finally got it right!
Whoopee!

I never did find out how someone else's text got blended in with my own and posted to my blog. That's still a bit of a Twilight Zone mystery, to me.

I'll Never be the Techy Nerd I Want to Be

2005-02-24T15:22:00.000-05:00

A bit ago, I just tried two things that are supposed to be simple easy web-type things to do.

#1. I posted a message to this blog. Somehow, though, it double posted the same post. But with a twist! A portionof one of the messages had content that I had never written. I wonder if Blogger can cross wires when two people try to publish their blogs at the same time? I simply deleted the unwanted message. But it kills me that I can't figure out what the hell happened.

#2. I tried to "ping" Wil Wheaton's Blog so I would have a track-back metioned on his blog. Essentially, his blog would end up linking to mine. For some reason, that never seems to work. Instead, it links to a separate trackback page that says:
Trackback URL for this entry:
http://haloscan.com/tb/mrlizardy/110927544815215049
But that URL only tracks back to itself!

I am a bit frustrated, at this moment. Is there anyone out there who understands this shit?!

I guess now I HAVE to read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

2005-02-24T14:43:00.000-05:00

I'd been putting it off for years. The book, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is now considered a classic that's influnced many witers. Now I guess I have to read it.
People I look up to seem to think that it's a sorry shame that Hunter S. Thompson has put a bullet in his head.
My friend Kevin likes to write. Sometimes he does a great job of it. Is he trying to be a crossbreed of HST and William S. Burroughs? (Does he have some "thing" for writers with the middle initial S?)
Wil Wheaton writes (and has even sold a few books). He says that HST was "...one of the people who made me want to be a writer..."
Terrible T seems to have no patience (nor remorse) for anyone who's abused drugs, though she realizes that HST's past drug use may not be connected to his death in any way.
Me? I can't make any judgements until I pay my dues and read something he's written. I try not to judge an artist by his past personal behavior.
Belushi made me laugh.
Michael Jackson made me wanna dance. (Okay. I admit it. Way back when, I almost bought a copy of Thriller.)
I even kinda liked Elvis. Uh-huh.

Anyone have a copy I can borrow??

Weird Life

2005-02-23T19:03:00.000-05:00

Life's been weird, of late. I feel as if I have so little time for anything fun. Or maybe I mean that I'd like some fun time just for myself.
Weekday night time is for helping the kids with homework, making dinner, getting them ready for bed, and then collapsing. I've no stamina whatsoever.
My sister's boyfriend passed away and we celebrated his life with a wonderful picnic, this past Sunday. Thanks for all who came out to join Scott's friends and family.
I've been trying to spend weekends with the family, but even then... Marc gets tutored on Saturday mornings, then we take my father out of the home to get him some fresh shopping mall air, and then Terrible T usually has something for us to waste the rest of Saturday on.
More projects on Sunday, not to mention going to church.
I Wish The Big A would send me on a business trip. It'd be like a vacation!
In The News:
I sent my finds to Found Magazine, a while back. They've returned them, as I'd asked them to. No note or anything about whether or not any of it will be published in their next issue, due out in March, I think. Keep your fingers crossed. I'd really love it if something makes their grade.
Anyways... I'll try to be better about updating my blog. Maybe I'll get more of the blug (Blog-bug) when I have my own real website. My friend at work, Mike, is getting me a copy (legal... I promise... really) of Dreamweaver which I'll use to build Mister Lizard dot Net. It's parked, for now, which allows me to keep ownership of the domain.

As Jerry Seinfeld said, "I am the master of my domain!"
Okay. Not really. And if you really don't know what that referred to, Google it.

Sometimes I wish Bill Gates the Recrudescence of Obstipation

2005-01-18T16:06:00.000-05:00

MS Windows XP and my wonderful Dell computer have been giving me a case of proctalgia.
It was taking, like, 3 or 4 minutes to open up a file on the hard drive.
I've got a 38 Gig drive but can never tell how it's being used, because the excerebrose applications loaded on my shardborn computer like to save data in hidden folders!
Okay.. admittedly, I do not scan and defragment my C: Drive nearly as often as I should. But it would be nice if it would let me do the de-frag, when friends suggest it.
I found out that, unbelievably, I had only 2 extra Gigs to play with. Not enough left to de-frag. This must be why I can't burn DVDs of the few crappy movies I've made. Not enough space.
I tried to uninstall some worthless programs... like everything relating to AOL. Still no luck.
I tried getting rid of old and unused personal files. Barely made a dent.
Finally I thought hard about the way the movie editing software worked. First I streamed in the video, as separate clips. Then I could edit it and render the final file. I never knew where it put the original clips.
I opened up the software and looked in its library to find the file name of one of the original clips. Then I did a drive search for that file. BINGO! There it was... in a hidden folder.
Once I deleted all of the original clips, I'd relieved the drive of 15 (count 'em) fifteen Gigs!
After the de-frag, it started running like a normal computer, again.

Now.. as for the unusual adjectives and nouns that appear in the title and first few sentances: I do have an explanation. I've been reading a book "Terrible T" gave me for the holidays. It's titled: Depraved and Insulting English. If you can't find definitions for these words, go out and buy a copy. It's a blast!

2004: The Good, The Bad, and The Really Really Ugly

2004-12-31T05:01:00.000-05:00

The So-So:
Getting up at 4:00 AM so I can sit in a classroom with one co-worker while he takes his yearly safety classes, online. Which is exactly what I am doing, as I key in today's message.

The Bad:
Watching this unnecessary war drag on like a bad toothache.
Watching Kerry lose the election.
Listening to my sister rant and rave about the Republican conspiracy to win the election.
Coming around to my sister's scary point of view. (Well... sort of.)
Being inundated with Celebrity Crime (they often play the Fox News channel in the breakroom at work).
Accepting the fact that Scott Peterson is now a Celebrity if only because he murdered his wife and future child. (Hey! I wanna be famous, too!)
Being asked to accept the notion that our president is not a murderer, as the American and Iraqi death tolls keep rising.

The Good:
Watching my children begin to understand the world a little better. (Though that's also scary.)
Watching the world pull together to help those in need... at least to some extent.
Experiencing "Madama Butterfly. "
Laughing my ass off watching, "The Water Coolers," at the Miracle Theater, on Miracle Mile.
Staying at the Hotel St. Michel, more than once, this year.
Surviving my first year at The Big A.

The Really Really Ugly:
Nature's Nasty Temper: Hurricanes, Earthquakes, and the World's Most Depressing Disaster.

Coming Soon

2004-12-30T13:15:00.000-05:00

misterlizard.net

Yup. I finally bought myself a domain. Now all I have to do is learn Dreamweaver so I can create something for the site.

Any ideas?

MREs: A Critical Review

2004-12-28T22:05:00.000-05:00

… or,
“How a Little Bit of Browsing Enabled me to Acquire Some Interesting Eats.”

This is no joke. Though, as you read it, you’ll probably think this is some kind of shaggy dog story.
Hang in there.
It’s a great example of the power of the internet and how you can set off on one simple mission and end up participating in another.

The Mission:
To enter a web-based sweepstakes for a very slim chance to win $500.00.

The Background:
I often work nights. This means that I might end up having to eat a meal at 3:00 AM. It’s hard to plan for that kind of meal. I’m never sure whether I’ll want to eat something substantial or something light. So I keep some options available in my desk drawer. As you might guess, this food has to be well preserved and must not require refrigeration. If I want something light, I re-hydrate a foam cup of desiccated Maruchan Instant Lunch Noodle Soup.
If I want something that feels more like food, I might re-hydrate some other brand’s dried noodle dish.
Some of the best tasting and long lasting food, though, are the products preserved by packaging process. They’re not dried, not frozen, not salted to Dead-Sea levels; these dishes microwave in a minute and a half and actually taste pretty good.
The brand I prefer is called Homestyle Express.

This stuff is made by The Wornick Company.

The Adventure:
How do I know The Wornick Company made my Homestyle Express meals?

Because the packaging my Four Cheese Tortellini came in invited me to visit their website and fill out a questionnaire for a chance to win $500.00.

So I filled out the questionnaire, with little hope that I’d actually win. And it being around 4:00 AM with little for me to do at work, I decided to browse around the company’s site. A click here and a click there and I ended up on their MREs web page.
Yup. That made sense.
Wornick, it turns out, is one of the companies that makes Meals Ready to Eat, for the military.

I’d first heard about MREs after Hurricane Andrew hit Miami, back in 1992. The military set up make-shift mess halls to feed The Public. The Public was, as you might imagine, grateful for this manna from Wornick (or whichever other manufacturers were supplying them).

I’d always wondered about MREs. What did they look like? How long would they last? Did they really taste good?

So I read on: For more information visit DSCP's MRE link — CLICK HERE.

“Hmmmm… That’s an invitation, if ever I’ve read one,” I thought as I clicked.

Wow. The site had pictures (though I preferred the ones I later found on the Wornick site, and that's what you see here):

They even answered my second question: “The shelf life of the MRE is three (3) years at 80 degrees F. However, the shelf life can be extended through the use of cold storage facilities prior to distribution. “

But what about the taste? Would they let me order some?
Somehow I found myself on the Defense Logistics military website.

I’d also found a form for ordering pallet loads of MREs (though I can’t find that link now). I do remember that the officer ordering the grub had to have all sorts of information I simply couldn’t fake.

The site did, however, have an email link if you had any questions. Again, I clicked. Then I started typing:

Good day,
My name is Charles Field. I am not a member of the military, but am planning to write an article about Meals Ready to Eat. I have been researching Operational Rations and the manufacturers via the internet. This is how I found your email address.
Would it be possible to request a small sampling of MREs to taste-taste as part of my research. If so, please reply with ordering information or resources.

Thank you,
Charles Field

Frankly, I was amazed to receive this prompt and efficient response:

Chuck:

We would not be able to sell product to you due to our policy, but I can send you a few samples. Samples are limited, but I could send you 2-3 MREs. Let me know if OK and what your mailing address is.

Thanks, Joe

A couple of weeks later the gentleman had Fed-Xed me three MREs.

I held onto them until a time when my son’s best friend, Tommy, came for a visit. He was wearing army camo pants, which I thought fitting for the occasion.
That evening, we tried the creamed beef meal.
It came complete with a chemical heating packet, rice pilaf, oatmeal cookie, cocoa beverage powder, and a packet containing salt, pepper, matches, and the ever-present teeny tiny bottle of Tobasco sauce.
We followed the heating directions but still ended up with luke-warm mush. The mush was of good quality, but instead of using chipped beef they used some sort of corned beef. We ate it all, but I wasn’t really crazy about it. Neither were the kids. I really liked the oatmeal cookie, which I’d hidden away so I could retrieve it days later and eat it all by myself.

Sunday night, Tommy came over again. So I broke open the jambalaya and we gave it our taste test.
This meal was a bit spicy, as a jambalaya should be. The kids really loved it and asked for more, but we didn’t have enough for seconds. As you can imagine, one soldier’s ration divides into two very small portions. As it was, I’d only had a small taste of the stuff, leaving more for them to eat. This was to be all of their dinner, not just a snack. (I ate Christmas Dinner leftovers.)
The drink was a day-glo lemon lime drink. It tasted just like Gator-ade, which was fine with the boys. I didn’t try the processed cheese spread on wheat bread wafer. The spread didn’t spread very easily as it’s consistency was a bit like a cross between Play-doh and Silly Putty. The wafer bread was also a hybrid; part-way between a slice of bread and a cracker. It was molded to look vaguely like the slice of bread. This tid-bit didn’t appeal to me at all, but the kids ate it without any complaints. They also bolted down the chocolate covered graham cracker I’d cut in half and the packet of Skittles candies. I didn’t have to sample the Skittles. I know they taste good.

I still have one last MRE to sample: Chicken Tetrazinni. I’m sure it can wait until the next time Tommy visits.

All in all, I have to give these companies a thumbs-up rating. I’m sure that the delivery of nutritional and decent tasting food is a great challenge for our military.

It’s nice to see that our courageous soldiers don’t have to eat that shitty Maruchan Instant Lunch Noodle Soup to survive the rigors of war.

Okay. I’d told Officer Joe that I’d planned to write an article about MREs. You’ve just read it. So, now I don’t feel guilty about asking him for the samples. I mean, I did hold up my end of the bargain, didn’t I?

What I Want for Christmas, er... Hannukkah, umm...

2004-12-24T10:00:00.000-05:00

I may be Jewish, but I attend mass with my Catholic family, frequently. Our local church was one that supported the waste-of-time boycott of Macy*s-Burdines. (or is that Burdines-Macy*s?)

It seems that big retailers sometimes don't want to place Nativity Scenes in their "holiday" displays. I really don't think it's up to any members of the public to make business decisions for the retailers. And what to display is quite definitely a business decision... unless we're talking about what not to display when the display is hatefully offensive to any ethnic, or religious, or "other" group.

I do have to admit, however, that the church bulletin explains things a bit differently than the way many of us are taking it. Though they'd love it if all retailers displayed nativity scenes, they mostly object to businesses that display menorahs (or other non-Christian holiday symbols) but refuse to display the nativities.

To them, it's a form of reverse discrimination.

On that point, I guess I have to agree with them (unless it's... ohh... let's say... a Judaica shop, or a store specializing in Islamic gifts).
However, it's still up to each business to decide how they want to run their business.

I really think this world will remain hopelessly screwed up until we all learn to start ignoring shit like this.
Why is it so bad to not assume what religion a person is and to wish them a "Happy Holiday" instead of making the wrong assumption and, quite possibly, offending them?

Do we have to wish every one a Happy Hannukah and a Happy Kwanzaa and a Merry Christmas and a ____________ ? (supply your own adjective + holiday name)
Lord*, I hope not.

I really think that many Christians simply don't understand how it uncomfortable it feels to be wished a Merry Christmas when you do not believe that Christ was/is your saviour. It feels weird when I look at the cards we recieve that have the Virgin (yeah right) Mother and child on them; complete with halos.

So that's what I think is wrong with our world. And now... when anyone asks me what I want for Christmas I know what I'm gonna tell them:
I wish for the death of assumptions.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ONE AND ALL!

Mister Lizard

* I use this term loosely.

All the News That Fits

2004-12-23T08:08:00.000-05:00

It's almost Chistmas... Which means that Terrible T and the Kids are driving me bonkers... in a good way. As usual, I spent way too much, but that's hard to avoid.

I've added a new link (at right) to Paul Poundstone's web page. I made the graphic and everything. I've made friends with Paula's manager and I'm trying to help them out by spreading the word about her website. Try the link if you're a fan. Or even if not.
Also: if you're a cat-lover, visit the site and send a message to her cat, Hep.

Her manager's been so nice; she's comping me the cover charges for Terrible T and I when Paula comes down to Hollywood to do three nights at The Hard Rock Casino's Improv (opening very soon!). I'll have to over-pay for the 2 drinks each, but that's okay with me! I may even get to go back stage and meet Paula. Pretty cool.

Anybody out there want to try and design a bumper-sticker for paulapoundstone.com? I got connections!

This is Why I Hate Sports and am so Out of Shape!

2004-12-08T09:13:00.000-05:00

click

Fairchild

2004-11-23T19:59:00.000-05:00

Terrible T and the kids and I visited Fairchild Tropical Botanical Gardens, this past weekend, during their yearly "Ramble". If you ever get a chance to visit it, in Miami, it's well worth the time. Unfortunately, it always seems to be hot as Hell when we go. It wasn't too too bad, Sunday. But it would've been nicer if it was a bit cooler.
They have a 100 year old calliope there. The owner was actually able to play a particular song, for me (The Colonel Bogey March)!

The calliope has been restored a number of times, and it's owner is still able to purchase about 3 new songs sheets for it, each year. These sheets look like fan-folded cardboard with punched out dots and lines. In a way, it's like an early punchcard-reading copmputer; able to repeat the same instructions to the musical instruments, each time it's played. It doesn't just have air-powered calliope pipes, but drums and bells, too! The little figures you see mounted on this monster each strike a bell, when commanded to.

They also have a new Lilly Pond with Amazonian Lillies. Each of these suckers can get as big as six feet across. The ones pictured looked to be about 3-4 feet across.

I'm not sure of the name of these next two plants, but we all found them very beautiful.

The red flowered plant was marked with some Latin sounding name, but I had no pen and paper to record it with.

The kids had fun. Marc got a coconut he thinks he may be able to grow and Alex got her face painted like a tiger.
We went to our favorite Cuban restaurant, Las Vegas, when we got home... and Alex insisted on keeping on her tiger face throughout dinner.
We got lots of smiles out of that... from all of the staring patrons.

The Cost of True Faith

2004-11-20T20:37:00.000-05:00

If you've been keeping up with the news, you've probably already heard of the lady, near Fort Lauderdale, who is selling a ten year old slice of a grilled cheese sandwhich. Let us call this the "Miracle Meal."
Why?
Not because it lasted ten years in a plastic container that is far from hermetically sealed without getting all moldy (though that is certainly unusual).
Not because it has, toasted upon it, the image of The Virgin Mary. (It certainly does seem to have some freakish face looking back at you).

No... The Miracle is that some idiot has bid $15,100.00 to purchase it on ebay! (As of the time of this writing.)

Of course, I must report this as a self proclaimed skeptic. People see faces in objects all the time. It's called: pareidolia.
Terrible T started ripping the wallpaper off of our bathroom walls, a while back. Of course, some of the paper stuck fast to the wall. The area around it that was unpapered looked creepily like a Nosferatu-type vampire.

I didn't take a picture and T has continued peeling off paper. So Nosferatu is now gone.

As for the cheesy ebay item? Well.. I guess that one person's garbage is another person's religious artifact.
It wasn't as easy to find the item as I thought it would be when I looked it up. That's because there are now hundreds of items containing the words "grilled cheese" in their titles. Most of them are items for sale making fun of the real thing or celebrating it or trying to make a buck off of this new fad. Currently for sale: Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese T-Shirts, Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Mugs, Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Ornaments, Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Trading Cards, Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Charms, and even a customized grilled cheese sandwich. (The winning bidder gets to choose whose image will be toasted into the sandwich.)

Yes, I now know the true cost of faith. It's $15,100.00 and rising.

one

2004-11-20T02:03:00.000-05:00

I recently found a link to one word, on a friend's web site. One word is a sort of stream-of-consciousness excercise.
Click a button.
Read one word.
Write.
That's all there is to it. One thing, though: You only have sixty seconds to finish writing. So you're not really supposed to think about it much. You just write. When you complete your sixty second essay/story/poem, you get to see what everyone else has written. Let me tell you... there's some pretty whacked out folks participating in this project. Each day brings a new word.
The same folks bring you poetc and onecaption.
At poetc, all visitors team up to make a poem. Here's the trick, though: you only get to see the four most recent lines. This makes for some very strange poetry, mutating into something different - every five lines or so. Sometimes the results are simply silly. Other times, the poems may actually seem to make some sense. As on one word, you only get sixty seconds to write, and the poem changes daily.
Onecaption delivers a strange photograph for you to add a caption to. Same sixty seconds to come up with something witty.
Personally, I think that these are great exercises for one's creativity. These web pages seem similar to some of the games that surrealists would play. Some day, I'd like to get together with a bunch of like-minded (and I use that term loosely) people and try some of these surrealist games.

Madama Butterfly

2004-11-17T14:55:00.000-05:00

Well... somehow, we managed to pull it off and see Madama Butterfly, in Miami.
Wow.
I'm not the greatest fan of opera, but it's wonderful to get the opportunity to see it live. And Madama Butterfly is, apparently, the classic opera that's produced by all companies, every few years. I can see why. It has an easy-to-follow plot and fairly simple staging. The music is exciting and the story so moving. (Yes, I did cry... a little.)
I'm grateful to The Big A for getting us free tickets - in the fourth row, right-center orchestra. We were almost too close, since we had to crane our necks back, a bit, to read the translations above the stage.
All in all, it was a very successful, if tiring, week night event.
BRAVO.

In Other News....

2004-11-11T06:04:00.000-05:00

MRE Madness
Marc, his friend, and I ate our first Meals Ready to Eat. YUMMMM!
More on that when I have time to write the article.

Incredible!
We (including Terrible T) all saw The Incredibles.
(click here for the entry on the Internet Movie database).
As good as the hype was, I tried not to expect too much. But this time, the hype was right. If you get the opportunity, run to the theater and see it. I sold my stock of this movie on HSX, a little while back. I sold it when there was more than a 40% increase over the price I'd paid. I made over $100,000 on 1500 shares. (Too bad it's only pretend money.)

Noodling
I woke up early, this morning, to find a documentary playing on PBS. The movie is called Okie Noodling - about your average white down-home Oklahoma boys who like to wade in muddy waters and catch catfish... by hand. At first, it almost seemed like some kind of parody. But the more I watched it, the more I respected the guts it takes to try to tackle a slimy 60 pound bottom feeder that has no qualms about trying to bite your hand off. Too bad I had to leave for work (at 5:30 AM) before the film had finished.

Ready to Boycott!
I'm pissed off a Ticket Master because I found their site confusing. They took away the option of having your tickets waiting for you at the The Miracle Theater's box office (Will Call)... unless you live outside the country. The system won't let you bypass this. So I paid $14.00 to have them sent UPS, rather than taking chances on the USPS. When the system sent me the confirmation, I noticed a link telling me I could have printed the tickets up, myself, on my home computer. So... if that's a choice, why wasn't it given to me when it laid out the choices for ticket delivery?? I sent them a nasty note asking them to change the delivery method and return my friggin fourteen friggin' dollars. I'm not gonna hold my breath, though. However, it does look like I got some great seats for Shear Madness.

Sure, Opportunity Knocks... But Her Timing Sure Sucks
Of course, I think that Terrible T would much rather see the Opera. So what happened when I came into work, this morning? I see a message from our Communications Dept. offering (get this) free tickets to Madama Butterfly! For this Tuesday. Not a lot of notice, is it? I'm working third Shift and T works until 9:00 PM. I have no idea whether or not we can find a way to swing this one. What a great opportunity, though.

ARRRRGH!

My right

2004-11-02T13:57:00.000-05:00

Terrible T and I were all prepared when we went to our voting place, after dropping the kids off at school. We'd brought along a little magnetic travel Scrabble set we haven't used for ages. (I remember using it while waiting in line to see "Return of the Jedi" on it's release day. A bunch of us took the day off and waited in line to see the first showing. We changed the rules of Scrabble to "legalize" the names of Star Wars characters and nouns from the Star Wars universe.)
When we arrived at our polling place we were surprised to see that this morning's long lines had died down. No Scrabble, this time. I'd hoped we have time to play and allow proper names of candidates.
We walked right in and only waited behind two voters, before signing-in. We only had to wait behind four other voters, to get into our polling "booths". Within ten minutes, we were back in our car and on our way to our favorite neighborhood breakfast joint. While sitting at our table, Tanya noticed an acquaintance waiting to pay for his meal and asked him if he had voted, yet. He said that he did not plan to vote, "because I can't decide if I should vote for the baby killer or the soldier killer." Apparently, this guy is totally color blind. He also appears to have no opinions about any other issues we are voting on, in Florida.
Now, I don't pretend to know about every candidate for all contested seats, nor do I have any idea whether or not we should retain our judges. But I informed myself well enough to vote intelligently on all eight amendment issues and for several seats. Oh... and I voted for Kerry, as planned. Don't wanna forget that!
I guess I shouldn't wonder how someone like Bush can get so many votes, but I guess we do have to allow everyone to vote. Okay, maybe not my next door neighbors (with the Bush/Cheney sign in their lawn) but everyone else.

Too Many Projects... Too Little Time

2004-10-27T16:29:00.000-04:00

1. Work Related:
Our work projects keep changing minute by minute, which makes life difficult when I'm working on second shift.
"I've already gotten babysitters, dammit! Don't change the class dates on me now!"
It gets really frustrating. But sometimes, when the projects will likely result in quality improvement, I do get a bit excited... maybe too excited. Hell. It's only a job, right?

2. Personal-Work-Related:
I'm also working on some projects that can be considered "Personal-Work-Related projects". (Dont'cha just love all them dashes?)
These projects have to do with The Holidays. I plan to make my own holiday cards and some biscotti, for the folks The Big A. I'm only in the planning stages, though. I'm narrowing down my flavor decisions and how much of the cards should be my own handiwork. Should I make a Christmas tree shape out of a sponge or just buy a damned rubber stamp at the over-priced hobby shop? Oh... and one co-worker has diabetes, so I'll have to make him some crackers instead of the biscotti.

3. My Own Mirror Project Project:
Every time I walk by anything that's the least bit reflective, I find myself wondering if I could use it to make a good picture for The Mirror Project. I've gotten five self portraits submitted and accepted, already.
But I do have a grand idea that I'd like to try. It would take some good planning and a lot of coordination of a group of folks, each with a digital camera. I'm looking for volunteers, so let me know if you might be interested. We all need to be in the same location, for this one. So maybe I'll get the family to do it together, when most of them are here for Thanksgiving.

4. Meals Ready to Eat:
I'm also planning to write an "article" about the military's Meals Ready to Eat, AKA: MREs. I'll explain how this project came about, when I write the article. So...

...Stay Tuned!
(PS: I have to call it an article or I'll look like a liar. Don't worry. You'll understand.)

Keeping it Safe

2004-10-20T13:46:00.000-04:00

My Wife, Terrible T, once purchased one of those little safes that are disguised as a can of something. The can is given some false weight and you screw off the bottom portion to reveal a hiding place for a small amount of money or some jewelry.
The problem was this: She'd bought a can that looked exactly like a can of Morton's low sodium salt substitute, or some such kitchen or dining room accessory. But she kept it in our bedroom. Now I don't know about you, but if I were a thief, I'd wonder what this couple was doing with salt substitute in their bedroom. No-stick spray might've passed. But not lo-salt salt.
Terrible T never uses the Morton's can, though. So it makes little difference. She once suggested we carve out the middle of a book, like in the olden days. Now that would probably work. No way would a thief waste his (or her) time going through all of the bajillion books we own.
Or... maybe I could buy one of these. Think about it. Would you take the chance?

I wonder if they make spray cans of shit smell. That would really complete the illusion.

SURPRISE!

2004-10-11T21:15:00.000-04:00

I'm the type of guy who enjoys a good little scheme. I helped surprise Terrible T when she had her baby shower, before Marc was born. Another scheme: with the help of Rob Hittel, our favorite antiquarian bookseller, I tricked her into thinking her he'd already sold that set of Lewis and Clark Journals... and then made her wait through her birthday until Christmas before I'd wrapped them in a box along with a few bricks to make the package really heavy. She pretended to almost faint, when she opened the box.
But this is something I would never have considered. And I'm truly amazed that anyone else would.

See what I have to put up with?

2004-10-08T02:00:00.000-04:00

And that's not all I've been up to. I've also submitted two more photos to The Mirror Project.
When you get there, click the search button and put in my name. You can try Kevin Hall, too, and see the photos my friend has had accepted to the project.
Try it out, yourself. Be creative. Have fun.

Sad Stories

2004-10-06T03:35:00.000-04:00

Sad Story Number One:
Rodney Dangerfield has left the building...
Rodney Dangerfield spent his entire life getting no respect in his comedy routine. As the owner of a famous comedy club, discoverer of now-famous comedians, and a movie "star" in his own right, Rodney certainly did earn a great deal of respect.
Though I was never a huge fan of his, his act always made me laugh. And no one can really put a price on laughter.
Rodney will be missed by many.

Sad Story Number Two:
Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats It
Mon Oct 4,10:41 AM ET

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday.
It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.
"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. "I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."
Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger.

Okay, I know that Reuters reported it... but this still sounds like an Urban Legend to me. I can see a slight similarity between a chicken neck and a dick, but I can not imagine how the two became mixed up in such a way that the man could swing a knife and slice off the wrong thing.
When I wear underwear, my penis usually manages to stay within them. And even if it popped out, it's still pretty damn unlikely that I could mistake it for a chicken neck. This guy's penis must have been pretty big, if it could get in the way that easily.
The part about the dog eating it seems suspicious, too. If a dog started eating your penis, wouldn't you fight him for it?
"No, Rover! Spit it out! Baaaad Boy! You give that back right now!"

I'm a showoff

2004-09-23T13:46:00.000-04:00

I'm showing my coworkers how easy it is to post a blog!

Do something nice for a good cause

2004-09-23T08:15:00.000-04:00

In James Doohan's honor, a group has set up a walk-a-thon to raise money for the Alzheimers Association.
I learned about this from Wil's site. Occasionally, he's a wonderful conduit of information about "Good Causes." And he gets ooodles of hits.
So, if you can spare a few bucks... visit their site.

Wannado City Details

2004-09-19T19:45:00.000-04:00

It's pretty hard to describe Wannado City.
It's a theme park for kids set up as a kid-sized city. It included a mini-Publix supermarket, police station, fire station, salon, courthouse, fair, pizza parlor, and lots more.
Kids earn play money for pretend jobs while their parents wear out their shoes trying to keep up. Parents and kids are tagged with bracelets that allow everyone to track each other at special kiosks. Kids can not get out of the city without the adult(s) they came in with. I was very comfortable with that security in place.
At first, I sat in the adult's lounge and played with this site (see previous post). Unfortuantely, they only had about four Macintosh computers set up and I am not fond of Macs. It took some time getting used to using it.
Then I wandered back into the city and tried to take some camera shots with my phone.
The phone's getting a bit annoying, too. I'd rather not use all that memory for lots of pictures, so I'd mail them to myself and then delete them. Unfortunately, some of the shots never arrived in my mailbox.
Gone forever.
I was a bit surprised to see a "serious looking" accident at the Publix-

The picture didn't come out great since I was taking it through a window. Same with some of the other shots, like this one of Alex getting her nails done-

While Alex was in the Plantation General Hospital Emergency Room (playing doctor) another group of EMTs barged through with yet another accident victim-

It's really sorta surreal to see all of these kids running around pretending to be crime scene investigators, firemen or cops. Once an hour, or so, the fireworks factory would go up in flames and a new crew of fighters would roll in on a mini-fire truck and hose down the blaze.
Marc's friend Tommy showed me the citation he'd recieved by a cop. The ticket included such infractions as: chewing gum, running, loitering (which I can't imagine happening), and wearing loud clothes! Both Marc and Tommy tried hard to get thrown in jail so they could make a jail break. Yup... they built the jail with a couple of rubber bars so the kids could squirm out and escape!
When Marc got finally hungry, he made himself a pizza. Dad had to pay real US dollars, for that treat-

The kids got to spend five "Wongas" for tickets to ride the kiddie rides at the city fair. When we left the place, Marc still had 150 wongas in his bank account and Alex had 160 wongas. They promise that the money will remain there until our next visit.
This place, at the Sawgrass Mills Mall, is going to put Junior Achievement out of business. Kids learn a bit about lots of different jobs, and how to save and spend money. Of course, at $25 bucks a pop for the kids and $15 bucks for me, we won't be going back all that frequently.

Damn! I only wish we had a place like this to go to when I was a kid!

Wannado Cool

2004-09-19T13:13:00.001-04:00

I'm sitting in a lounge in a new theme park called, "Wanndo City." this minature city is for the kids to play in, pretending to be whatever they want to be. So Marc and Alex and their friend Tommy are off being archeologists, miners and so forth. While I'm on a &^#$@in' macintosh trying to see what i can and can not do. It appears I can post to my blog, but I may not be able to format the text.
Now I will see if I can post a picture. I sent a picture of my dad from my cell phone to a websight that allows mac users to upload .jps. A bit of a hassle, since I first needed to save it to the computer, here, and then rename it and then upload it to flikr.
Let's see if it works:

If this works, I may post pictures of some stuff here in wannado City.

Addendum 7:44 PM, from home: Obviously, it didn't work. And I'm too lazy to try and figure out why.

Self Portrait

2004-09-15T20:43:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went to a dollar store to find a cheap mirror for a team project at The Big A (a pseudonym for my place of employment). We're going to inset a mirror into the small flat box-car-shaped foam piece we were given. Trust me. It should look cool, in the context of our "team-building" Diversity assignment.
I peeled off the poorly glued together plastic framework and ended up with the perfect flat mirror for our project.
Here's where I became a temporary idiot.
I wanted to show the rest of my team, most of whom are at another facility, what our little display would look like. In Power Point, I reproduced a scale drawing of the box-car.
Then I searched for an online picture of a reflective surface so I could save it as a background and import that into Power Point to fill in the rectangle I'd also drawn to scale. I could find nothing I liked.
So I took out my new handy dandy cell phone, held the mirror in my left hand, held the phone in my right, and snapped a picture. Since we're really not supposed to use these cameras at work, I tried to do this surreptitiously, holding the mirror under my desk.
As you can see, I forgot how truly reflective a mirror is. Unfortunately, I am not a vampire.
Duhhhhhhhh.
I ended up using the "two-colors" fill feature to shade the rectangle from a pale grey to an even paler grey.
I have not shown this picture to my team. I don't really want to have to explain it.

No Whiner Wil

2004-09-13T09:53:00.000-04:00

To the Editor of EW:
I am an occasional news-stand purchaser of Entertainment Weekly. I have recently considered buying a subscription to the magazine. I weighed the cost vs. the accurate news I would get out of it and my available time to actually read it.
And then I read Wil Wheaton's report of the "nice blurb" that was published in your magazine:

""Whiner of the Week" In his blog-cum-memoir Just a Geek, the former Star Trek, TNG cast member, now 32, fills 260 pages endlessly lamenting, "I used to be an actor when I was a kid."

I must admit that I'm trusting Wil about his account of the communication between himself and the magazine, via his manager, as well as his quote of the blurb, itself. However, even if the reporter never lied to Wil's manager, the blurb is highly inaccurate. I have read the book in its entirety and I can assure you that it is not full of "endless lamenting". The book is, at times, funny and uplifting. Certainly, Wil covers some of the difficulties he's gone through as an actor. Wil writes a personal and honest account of his professional life, rather than writing shallow accounts of Hollywood glitz, as some others might do.
If the EW reporter did, indeed, read the entire book (which I doubt) then he or she missed the point.
Even if you and the entire staff of EW have decided that it sells more magazines to speak negatively of Mr. Wheaton (which I doubt, as well) I urge you to do three things:
1. Please read his book, yourself. You could probably read it in one or two sittings. Try to be as unbiased as reporters are supposed to be.
2. See if you agree with your reporter's assessment of the book and his or her over-simplified conclusions. If you do not agree, you may see why the "blurb" was inappropriate and inaccurate.
3. Publish a complete and fair review of the book or cite some of the many reviews available on the Internet. A fair review would comment on Wil's writing style, the book's readability, and the overall story. A fair review of this book might not be 100% positive, but it also should not stand as one very short misleading "blurb".
I am still in the process of deciding whether or not I should subscribe to Entertainment Weekly. At the moment, I am not impressed.
Sincerely,
Chuck Field

Sherlock Holmes and the Texas Air National Guard Memos

2004-09-10T22:00:00.000-04:00

I just started reading a book by Larry Millett called, "Sherlock Holmes and the Red Demon." Near the beginning, the client shows Holmes some threatening letters that had been sent to him. Even Watson notices that a number of words are misspelled in the documents. However, Holmes notes that the misspellings are inconsistent and that the writer has impeccable grammar and punctuation. The great detective realizes that the writer is a clever sort who is attempting to fool the recipient into thinking that he is uneducated.
Sneaky trick, eh?
CBS’ 60 Minutes recently ran a report revealing memos that were allegedly written by Lt. Col. Jerry Killian, Bush's commander in the 111th Fighter Interceptor Squadron at the former Ellington Air Force Base.
Now, Killian’s son claims that the memos are fakes. He points out facts about the type of font used and the way the memos display superscript. Very few typewriters, back in the 1970s, could create that type of document. It appears that the memos were written on a word processor.
Sneaky trick, eh?
I think the republicans created the memos and then leaked them! Now they can claim that they’re obvious forgeries. They'll also try to make Kerry look bad by convincing naïve Americans that there’s some connection.
Yeah... right.
Just like Saddam's connection to Al Qaeda!

Badddd Ficus

2004-09-08T20:56:00.000-04:00

This is a lousy cell phone shot of a ficus tree that fell during Frances. The fence behind it surrounds a beautiful tennis court. I think the house on the property was used as Mary's house (during the high school years) in There's Something About Mary.
They also used the Plantation City Hall as the high school, itself.

Frances Skirts By

2004-09-08T14:08:00.000-04:00

I'd really love to find the perfect place to live. Obviously, Florida, the hurricane capitol, is not the very best place. But then, California has earthquakes, Hawaii has volcanoes (and no bridges off the island) Kansas has twisters, and northern climes have blizzards.
Hurricane Frances was pretty good to us, in Plantation. We barely had any rain and most of my family lost power for no more than a day. My Mom was an exception, losing it for over five days. I'm keeping the shutters up, though, since Ivan may be on the way.
Speaking of the shutters, I'm so pissed about how hard it was to get them on. The idiot who painted our house painted right over the bolts. I used turpentine and a wire brush to loosen the paint and force the nuts on. Some of the bolts came loose, and the nuts wouldn't go on all the way (picture the bolts just spinning in place). I should not have to bust my hump that many hours getting the damned things installed! (And that was with help. Thanks to my sisters Irene and Sue and my kids, who were more help than hinderance (most of the time)).
Hurricanes are pretty stressful, too. Until we're sure what Ivan's going to do, I'm not resting easy.
Check back, later, and I'll post a picture of one of the many shallow rooted trees that fell over when Frances blew through. Florida is cursed with a huge number of non-native plants that either ruin the environment, drink far too much available water, of fall onto homes, cars, and power lines in the mildest of storms.
Sorry. I guess I'm a bit cranky.
I'm really relieved that Frances wasn't worse for us.
Keep your fingers crossed!

Frances Looms

2004-09-01T15:48:00.000-04:00

If you notice a lack of posts for more than a few days, it may be because of Frances. She's bearing down on South Florida and we're very possibly in her path. Half of the state is preparing for her, since we have no idea where she'll hit.
Feel free to come by my house if you'd like to help haul in a bunch of bricks and other assorted loose objects likely to become deadly missles, should she strike.

Dad and Mr. Scott

2004-08-30T13:47:00.000-04:00

It was sad news to hear about James Doohan's illness. Wil Wheaton reports that Scotty has Alzhiemer's and is retiring from public appearances. Wil helped to give him a great send-off.
Scotty was always my favorite character on the original Star Trek. I think I liked him because his character was rarely the focus of the show, but was always a great guy to have around when Trouble came knocking. I guess it's also because my Dad's an engineer, too.

Whenever something mechanical broke down, we'd call on Dad to fix it. Now, I know that fixing the timing on a car's engine is a far cry from re-aligning a warp core, but he probably saved our lives many times, just the same.
As Dad's condition continues to worsen, I feel a loss; the loss of all that knowledge. It's not like he never tried to hand it down to me. It's just that I wouldn't listen. Every time he tried to explain how he was fixing my car (and yelled at me for not paying attention) I consciously ignored him. "Dad," I'm sure I said, "don't bother. I'm sure I'll never fix my own car. I'm just not handy with tools."
Which is why car mechanics can so easily rip me off... but let's not go there.

I don't remember the exact date nor the actual issue at hand, a few years ago, when I realized that I could no longer call on Dad for his expertise. Actually, I couldn't trust him any longer. His mind had lost more technical information than I will even glance at in my lifetime. I was afraid that he'd mess things up more than they already were.
I have learned to do a few things: tighten a pipe, mount a bathroom shelf, lay small amounts of tile, and cut off all of a block of pine that doesn't look like my son's blueprint for his Cub Scout pinewood derby car. All thanks to the few things that did lodge in my deflective brain.
Because of his medical problems, Dad's memory and thought processes are swiftly moving in the wrong direction. Yes, I know that nature needs to take its course. I can do the math, too. He's 82 years old.
Old.
There are some good things, though. He definitely recognizes me. He's happy when he sees me (usually). But it feels strange when he doesn't use my name.
It really sucks when every time my cell phone rings, I'm scared it's my Mom calling. Mom wouldn't call me on the cell unless it was really important.
And it really sucks when I'm not sure if I should use pliers or a wrench, but there's no one to call to ask.
But it feels really great when I hang up that shelf and check it with a level.
"It's Level!!"
So maybe I'm not a total failure.
Thanx, Dad.

Who, me?

2004-08-28T23:59:00.000-04:00

I was in the book store, the other day. I had no intention of buying a book because my wife would kill me for spending money, right now. Sometimes it seems we're middle class one month and downright poor the next. We certainly weren't poor when she wanted to buy that $400.00 vacuum cleaner.
In any case, I was in the book store to do some window shopping. I need to give my wife a list of a few books to pick from for one of my Christmas presents. I could have done my window shopping virtually, but it's not the same as being able to hold the book in your hands and flip through it.
I was looking through the bargain books and noticed the clerk behind the register. I'm not sure why I noticed him and why I continued to look at him. He had dark hair, a slight build, was clean shaven, and looked like he couldn't be more than 22.
He was cute.
I said that to myself, "Gee, he's kinda cute."
Then I reminded myself that I was a heterosexual married man with two children. A regular Ted Bundy. Er...make that Al.
It started to freak me out. I mean, I'm always uncomfortable at the thought that sexual orientation can't be divided by some brick wall where you can only be on one side or the other.
"It's not like I'm picturing the guy naked," I said to myself, and at that very moment; I pictured him naked. I won't bother you with the description. But he... well... he was cute.
Okay, okay, it was only a fantasy. Maybe he was really hairy on every single part of his body that was currently clothed. That would not turn me on.
So I started to imagine that he was really hairy on every single part of his body that was currently clothed.
Then I noticed that he'd noticed me.
He was smiling at me.
It's not like I was so close to the counter that he would ask me if I needed any help. Too far away for that, but close enough for a smile. And a wink? Was that a wink?
I "nonchalantly" lifted my left hand and "unconsciously" scratched my forehead. Could he see I was wearing a wedding ring?
Would it have mattered?
I looked back at the book I was flipping through. Some kind of dessert cookbook. Gay, but not too gay.
Thank God the Gay and Lesbian section's upstairs. What if he'd seen me there?
All of a sudden I decided that my time was up. I closed the book and headed for the front door; not too slowly and certainly not too quickly.
I hazarded a glance at the boy.
Oh. My. God.
He waved at me.

Oh. My. God.
I waved back.

A Quick Drink

2004-08-26T22:21:00.000-04:00

I’ve gone to a bar to meet a few of my friends. It’s not just a bar, though: it’s one of those clones of a British pub that somehow never quite stands up to the real thing.
I’m walking across the floor; not paying attention to what I’m doing, as usual. I walk right in front of a guy who’s throwing darts. He pulls his throw in time and mutters, “asshole” under his breath. It would have been more fitting if he’d called me a twit, but the guy sounded like he’d come down from the Bronx. The only Brit in the place is the owner/bartender.
I see my friends waiting for me at a table in the back. I go to the bar and order Dos Equis Dark, just to piss off the bartender. When he informs me they don’t carry it, I ask for a few more international brews that originate at least a thousand miles away from any of the British Isles. I finally let him off the hook and order a black and tan.
I join my friends. Neil Gaimin is sitting across from me. To my left is Wil Wheaton. To my right, Charlie Kaufman. I ask Neil how it’s hanging and he gives me a dirty look. Don’t ask me why. I ask Wil how his latest book signing went and he tells us that, “it really didn’t suck. Big time!” It always amazes me how surprised he is when he doesn’t bomb. I remind him that he deserves the success and the respect he’s been getting. I try not to giggle every time I see a little bit of Wesley’s lack of confidence creeping into Wil’s alternate universe.
That’s the common thread we all share. Our alternate universes. Neil paints the most vivid works of art, but Charlie wins hands down when it comes to twisted weirdness. Wil’s universes are more normal. Like mine. The Career Universe. The Family Universe. The Universe of the Self. Sometimes we feel like the Raspyni Brothers. It’s too bad we’re always busy trying to flit back and forth between our universes, never really having the time to feel like a complete success in any of them. The Universe of the Self usually loses out the most.
It reminds me that I’d recently done something cool for myself. I do do that, from time to time. This time, I’d bought a new cell phone. I traded SIM cards between my broken Motorola and my crappy Nokia. I gave Terrible T the Nokia and bought a new Motorola. Text messages. Camera. Color screen. Cool. I show them the new phone, but no one seems as impressed as I am.
Charlie says, “I’m surprised you bought a Motorola, considering they laid you off after 21 years of loyal servitude.”
“I bought it because they make good phones. I try not to be too judgmental. Like those people who still think Wil is an asshole because they hated Wesley. Too bad you and Neil weren’t Next Gen writers.”
“That’s a scary thought,” says Neil.
The conversation wanders from ant infestations to two hours and 33 takes for what should have been 3 minutes of voicework.
I get a strange thought and share it. “Charlie, you oughta write a movie about us. I can see it now. The four of us are sitting in a pub just bullshitting and then talking about making a movie. Of course, you’d be the one to script it. I know,” I protest as I see that Charlie is about to interrupt me with the obvious, “I know it’s similar, but you’ll come up with something new. But we’d have to get Nick to play you, again. Sorta like a sequel. I don’t think anybody’d buy it with anyone else. And Wil could play himself. And Edward Norton could play Neil!”
“But who would play you?” asks Ed.
“Don’t know. Maybe Joe Pesci? No. Too New York. Too old. Who’s in their 40s? Hey. Maybe Bruce Willis. Except he’d have to wear a hairpiece.”
“A grey one,” sniggers Nick.
Ed informs us that he has to go siphon the python and I hear the sound system playing “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba. Shit. Now I’m gonna hear that tune swim around my neurons for the next five hours.
Nick is sitting there holding his glass full of ice left over from his vodka tonic like someone’s gonna try and steal it from him. He sucking on a cube and I can tell that his motor is running. I’ve planted a seed that’s likely to turn into something only remotely close to what I’ve suggested, but that’s okay. I know he’s going to ask me to play myself. And if we can get Spike to direct it, I probably will.
Wil reminds us that he’s taking the kids to a ball game tomorrow, gulps down what’s left of his Guinness, and heads for his minivan. “Night, Nick. Night, Bruce. Tell Ed I’m sorry I couldn’t wait.”
“Say, ‘Hi,’ to Nolan and Ryan. From Marc, “ I say.
Ed returns a few minutes later with similar sentiments. “I’ve got to take my kid to one of those hideous birthday parties. Fucks up the whole day, really.”
“Really,” I say, trying in vain to make fun of Ed who’d said it with an English accent. Just for practice. Just in case.
“Night, Bruce. Nick.” Ed heads for his Audi. I’ve tried to convince him to get one of those new hybrids. He says he’s considering it. I keep reminding him that he’s an actor, and has to keep up appearances. Fans are friendly to environmental friendly celebs. He’s almost falling for it.
“Guess I’m in the same fix,” I tell Nick. “Alex has karate class in the morning. Give me a call, tomorrow. Let me know what you’ve cooked up. I can give Spike the call, if you want. Just a scenario. That’s all I’ll need.”
“Night, Bruce.”
“Night.”
I walk out to my pick-up, laughing belatedly at a joke that Wil had made. I realize that I have no idea what Nick is driving. I was considering playing a practical joke. Leaving a nasty note on his car.
I drive home, writing one of my movie scripts in my head.
“I get knocked down, but I get up again...” NOW STOP THAT!
I go back to script writing. Not the sci-fi one or the fantasy about the accountant from an alternate universe. The one about the 45 year old corporate instructor who goes to a training conference intent on having an affair. I imagine Jim Carrey playing the guy and Sandra Bullock playing his coworker/confidant/secret unrequited lover. I think that Frances McDormand will play his wife. She deserves more than ten minutes of screen time, but she’d add a needed bit of reality to what amounts to a screwball comedy.
I think I’ll have another drink when I get home.

You mean, there are other people who Blog??

2004-08-24T17:54:00.000-04:00

It's fun to find other bloggers.
I just noticed a "next" button on my blog site and decided to hit it. Sure enough it sent me to Johnny Dakota's web log. Specifically, a blog of his pictures from a visit to Barcelona Spain.
On his regular site, he also posted a message explaining his strategic purchase of a domain called VRSoftware.com. Sometimes I wish I'd had the smarts to invest in a domain like that.
I'm interested in VR, of course, because it presents images in 3D. There are still a lot of issues to be overcome, in the technology, but I do think it will be more prominent. Someday.
Hey Johnny - If you decided to visit MLAAL - check out the linkzard on the right, for the NSA. If you're interested in learning more about 3D (old and new technologies) this is a great place to start...
If anyone wants to know more about present 3D photo software, and such, I can probably hook you up.

It's also "National Save Your Smile Week"
Are we supposed to save up our smile by scowling for a week?
No... it's just some deal to get us all to visit our respective dentists.
A conspiracy.
Yeah.

The Fifth Element

2004-08-23T21:20:00.000-04:00

I was watching TV last night when I came across the movie, "The Fifth Element." So I watched it. Again. This is, like, the fifth time I've seen it. And I really don't know why I like it so much.
Try and follow this:
It stars Bruce Willis as a cab driver who'd retired from an elite military crew a short time before the story takes place. This all takes place in 2214 (or 2263, depending on your resource), when cabs fly through cities and Evil (Big E) is about to return to Earth. Gary Oldman plays a nasty bad guy, Zorg. (Is Zorg related to Ming the Merciless???) Gary is known for playing parts way over the top. In this movie, he outdoes himself.
The whole thing is rather silly. Evil, in the form of a rather large fiery planetoid, wants to destroy the Earth but will be defeated if four stones representing Earth, Wind, and Fire.. oh... and Water are returned to a sacred temple in the desert, along with The Fifth Element. Oh, and Bruce has to kiss the Fifth Element to get it to work.
Evil is the real bad guy. Even Zorg is afraid of it. I would be afraid, too, if Hershey's Syrup started dripping down my face every time Evil called me on the phone. Even without an apparent injury.
In any case, Bruce starts out the movie as a taxi driver just minding his own business. The Supreme Being AKA The Fifth Element is cloned from the hand that was found after nice guy aliens tired to bring her back to Earth in time to stop Evil. But bad guy aliens blew up their ship, if I remember rightly.(Are you following all this?)
The supreme being is played by Milla Javovich, who's quite pretty, if a bit flat chested for my taste. Certainly not "the perfect woman" in my book. After being cloned/revived, she escapes (I forget why and I missed the beginning of the movie, this time) by jumping off of a really really really tall building and landing in Bruce's cab. So - after the inevitable chase scene, he takes her to a priest who knows all about the Fifth Element and wants to take her to get the four stones which are being stored, conveniently, inside some opera diva's tummy. (Doesn't this all make a whole lot of sense?)
Bruce gets 2 free tickets to the Hotel where the diva is singing.
The military set it up because they want him to get the stones so he can save the world.
The priest wants to get the stones, himself. He steals Bruce's tickets.
Bruce steals them back and goes with Leeloo. Yes, The Supreme Being's name is Leeloo. For short.
One of Zorg's men fails to stop Bruce from getting onto the "plane" taking him to the hotel, so Zorg blows him up in a phone booth (they still have phone booths in 2214/2263? Try finding a phone booth, today!)
Then they throw in Chris Tucker as an annoying effeminate DJ (they still have radio, in 2214/2263) who screams all of his lines with that annoying shrilly voice of his. Did I say he was annoying? For some reason, all of the bit-part women in this movie swoon over Chris, even though he's usually wearing something that looks like a jumpsuit made of fur. And he's really annoying. Did I say that?
Milla kicks some alien ass and Bruce gets to blow things up. That's cool.
Bad guys kill the diva, which makes it that much easier for Bruce to reach in a grab the stones. Of course, they never explain how she got them into her mid-section in the first place. Did she swallow them? Suppositories?
Bruce takes the bloody stones (blue blood) and saves Chris, too. (Why oh why?)
The priest (who'd stowed away on board the plane) Leeloo, Bruce, and Chris steal Zorg's ship so they can zip back to Earth and save the day.
Zorg blows up with the hotel. Presumably, all of the guests managed to escape in less than a minute or so.
Evil realizes that they have the stones, so it zooms toward Earth, intent on crashing into it, thus creating evil havoc. (If it could do this, why didn't it just crash into the earth before Bruce and Co. found the stones?)
When Bruce and Co. reach the temple, the priest's assistant is with them, though I don't recall them picking him up, since he wasn't with them at the hotel. And why would they bother stopping to get him when there were only minutes left to save the world?
Annoying Chris Tucker actually gets to help save the world. Which is even more annoying.
Bruce kisses flat-chested Leeloo and bright light shoots from her up into space where it stops Evil in its tracks.
The End.

I wonder when it'll be on again.

This is National Truck Driver's Appreciation Week

Another Great Work of Toilet Literature

2004-08-21T00:01:00.000-04:00

I said that I'd write some reviews of the books I've been reading, of late. So here goes the first:

The Ig Nobel Prizes: The Annuls of Improbable Research
by Marc Abrahams (Click to buy on Amazon)

Marc Abrahams is the editor of The Annuls of Improbable Research, a magazine that recognizes our need to laugh at laughable research projects. The magazine gives out yearly awards to some of the best (or worst, depending upon your point of view) research projects that fit their particular criteria. To win an Ig Nobel Prize, first the research project "makes people LAUGH, then makes them THINK."
This book gives a short history of the contest and highlights of some of the funniest ever awarded.
This is a great book to read when you only have a snippet of time, now and then. Each story is only a few pages long and can be read while taking care of business. I put the book down for about a month and was able to pick right back up where I'd left off. No problem!
To give you an idea of the kinds of research considered, I'll show you a few past winners taken from the website:

The 2003 Physics Prize went to: Jack Harvey, John Culvenor, Warren Payne, Steve Cowley, Michael Lawrance, David Stuart, and Robyn Williams of Australia, for their irresistible report "An Analysis of the Forces Required to Drag Sheep over Various Surfaces."
The 2003 Chemistry Prize went to: Yukio Hirose of Kanazawa University, for his chemical investigation of a bronze statue, in the city of Kanazawa, that fails to attract pigeons.
The 2002 Interdisciplinary Prize went to: Karl Kruszelnicki of The University of Sydney, for performing a comprehensive survey of human belly button lint -- who gets it, when, what color, and how much.

You get the idea, by now.
Personally, I feel that this book will never be an important classic of literature, though it may actually cure constipation. So I heartily recommend it to anyone who likes to keep track of all research with such global importance.

It's Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day!

Book Reviews

2004-08-18T04:19:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to read more books, of late. And I've tried to keep track of which ones I've read and whether or not I've enjoyed them. Mostly, I do. Or I wouldn't finish them.
I want to review a few of them, here. It will take some thought. I'm no book reviewer. Not professionally, at least.
It will, however, be nice to record my thoughts about some of them.
My recent booklist includes, by the way:

Secrets of the Tsil Café
Thomas Fox Averill
***
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Mark Haddon
***
Falling: How our Greatest Fear Became our Greatest Thrill ... A History
Garrett Soden
***
Smoke
Donald E. Westlake
***
Artemis Fowl: The Artic Incident
Eion Colfer
***
Anonymous Rex
Eric Garcia
***
Digital Fortress
Dan Brown
***
The Chronicals of Narnia: The Magician's Nephew
C.S. Lewis
***
The Color of Magic
Terry Practchett
***
Eragon
Christopher Paolini
***
Dragonball
Akira Toriyama
8/1/2004
***
Princess in Pink
Meg Cabot
***
Dancing Barefoot
Wil Wheton
***
Stiff: The Curious Life of the Cadaver
Mary Roach
***
Just a Geek
Wil Wheton
***
Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
Lynne Truss
***
The Ig Nobel Prizes: The Annuls of Improbable Research
Marc Abrahams (which I just finished 2 minutes ago!)

Stay Tuned!

An aside:

"Roses are grown
Violets grow, too.
Yesterday I went to the zoo."

Today is Bad Poetry Day

What was I saying?

2004-08-14T04:08:00.000-04:00

Damn. I knew I had something to say. I remember thinking about how to write it while I was driving to work, this evening.
Perhaps that's the problem. This 10:00 PM-6:30 AM schedule is sorta gettin' to me.
Not that I mind the work. The new students I'm teaching are very nice and seem to be very good workers. They're also very nice. And shit. Now I'm repeating myself. I'm repeating myself!
I guess I'm just tired. And my throat is hoarse.

Oh... now I remember!

One of the students opened a piece of mail, last night, and pulled out the payment coupon and check. I noticed that the card holder had written across the top edge of the check, "Vote Bush/Cheney!!" and then highlighted it, just in case we might miss it.
Now, what kind of an idiot writes political ads on their payment checks? Does this fool think that some poor schlep getting $6.50 per hour is gonna stop handling the mail to read it (though it was kinda hard to miss).
This is a semi-automatic operation - so even if the machine operator had the time or interest in reading it, does anyone think that the fact that this one guy wrote that one message across a check that they'd be convincing anyone to vote for Bush?
Shit.
I expect to see product placements in blockbuster movies.
I do not want to see political ads sent in with credit card payments.

Maybe I should have saved the envelope to get the guy's address... then I could have...
oh.
nevermind.

Today is International Nagging Day
Terrible T will be pleased!

News I Like

2004-08-03T08:33:00.000-04:00

July 31, the Miami Herald ran a short article about some new 65th Anniversary View Master Gift Sets that are being released.
I love seeing any news relating to anything stereoscopic (3D)! If you see any good stories, please email me the links. I like to keep up with the world of 3D.
You can read this article, but the Herald may ask you to register with the site (for free) before letting you see it.
Strangely, View Master didn't put any information about the anniversary sets on their own web site. Hmmmm.
Luckily, they at least mention it on the Mattel website as part of their Mattel in the News section.
Check it out. Their article mentions the NSA (click NSA logo in my sidebar)! It also mentions Mary Ann Sell, from whom I've bought many a reel.

Okay. Enough of that.
What's your obsession?

Today is National Night Out.
What, on a Tuesday???

I Need a Fix!

2004-07-31T02:40:00.000-04:00

I've not bought anything in 3D for quite some time.
I need a fix. I also need some time to go antiquing, if I'm ever going to give in to the fix.
Not that I have anywhere to store the stuff. I cleaned out my display case at home so I could bring much of my collection to the Plantation historical Museum. It should remain on display for another month, or so. I have no idea who has seen it (other than my mom). Even my lovely wife, Terrible T, has not had the opportunity to visit the museum, which is located a few hundred yards from where she works. She's too busy trying to keep our home from turning into something out of a horror film.
It would be nice to have more time and money to spend on this hobby. But the kids and work and Terrible T leave me with little time or money! (Not that I'm complaining).
I do need to save my money for when the National Stereoscopic Association convention comes to Miami. I'll have absolutely no excuse, if I miss that one!
Oh well. Sorry for the bitch session. I'm in one of those moods.

Today is All-American Soap Box Derby Day

“I read the news today – Oh boy….”

2004-07-30T01:54:00.000-04:00

This is from one of the short main section articles from Thursday’s Miami Herald.

Alabama
Court upholds ban on sale of sex toys

“…In a 2-1 decision overturning a lower court, a three-judge panel of the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals said the state has a right to police the sale of devices that can be sexually stimulating? …”

Hmmm… I’m a pretty creative guy. I can think of a lot of devices that can be sexually stimulating. Does this mean vibrating muscle massagers, vacuum cleaners, and broomsticks should all be banned? Does a cucumber count as a device? What about those penile prostheses that pump up like expensive Reeboks?

Also in the news…

"Donatella in cocaine rehab.

More bad news for the Versace clan: Designer Donatella Versace is in rehab for cocaine addiction..."

If I looked like this, I’m sure I’d be taking drugs, too!
Of course, it’s probably not easy being a Versace.

Eat like a rabbit - This week is National Salad Week!

Pseudo 3D

2004-07-29T02:08:00.000-04:00

    As some of you know, I'm quite a big fan of 3D imaging. I subscribe to an email list of 3Ders, most of whom photograph in 3D and do really geeky techy things with their computers. Through this list, I received a link to an interesting site where a programmer offers a conversion tool as freeware. This application turns 2D pictures into a sort of 3D cardboard cut-out world. Then, it lets you create a short movie where the imaginary camera moves about within the picture.
    Sound confusing? Check out his examples. The "Sample Outputs" should run in whatever media player you have. It kinda eerie and kinda cool all at the same time.
    I wonder when someone will download the software and convert some of the more interesting pictures like: The Scream (Edvard Munch) or persistence of Memory (Salvador Dali).
    Also, I finally remembered to add the website for the National Stereoscopic Association to my Linkzard List.

There is no daily or weekly observance of special note, today.
However: July is Cell Phone Courtesy Month!

Wow!. Getting Fancy!

2004-07-22T23:28:00.000-04:00

Okay.
So now I'm adding one of those statistics counters to my blog.

I can check it frequently to ensure that no one is reading it!

Today is Rat-catchers Day!

As Promised

2004-07-21T01:14:00.000-04:00

Today is National Woodie Wagon Day

Gee.... that old?

2004-07-20T02:54:00.000-04:00

Okay. It’s my Birthday. No big deal.
I’m 45, now, okay?
Of course, I did get a really nice weekend out of the deal. Not too bad, considering we only had a couple of days to plan it.
Friday Evening: I put together some Tapas for terrible T and I to eat when she got home from work on Saturday. Tapas are a Spanish tradition: small plates of appetizers to share. I knew that we would not have time to eat dinner on the way to the show, Saturday. This way, everything would be ready for us to sit and munch on before dressing and dashing off to Coral Gables.
Saturday Evening:
5:00 PM: Terrible T finished up some ironing before we sat down to eat the Tapas. I served some edemame (lightly salted soy beans) asparagus wrapped in prosciutto, cantaloupe wrapped in prosciutto, marinated mushrooms, and eggs with a spicy dressing. As she often does, Terrible T asked if I wrote down the recipes and I had to answer that I’d just thrown some shit together. She loved the eggs with a spicy sauce and the marinated mushrooms and she wants me to be able to re-create them exactly. (I finally wrote down the recipes from memory, on Sunday. That’s why I can include them, here. Be forewarned. I’m guessing on a lot of the quantities.)
6:45 PM: I rushed Terrible T into the mini-van and sped our way south toward The Miracle Mile, in Coral Gables. I didn’t even get to I-95 when Terrible T realized that I’d rushed her out of the house without her jacket. U-Turn. Return to home. Run in to get jacket.
7:30 PM: I pulled up to the Hotel Place St. Michel so T could run in and tell them we’d be registering late. Not a problem, since July is the slow season and we had a reservation.
7:50 PM: We arrived at the old Miracle Theater, home to The Actor’s Playhouse. This building is way cool, with its restored art deco architecture.

8:00 PM: We saw a musical called The Water Coolers. It’s a light-hearted look at corporate life, complete with jail cell-sized cubicles and the titular water cooler. The music was hilarious. Some songs were original, but most were parodies. The Hallelujah Chorus became the “Paranoia Chorus”. The tune from just another Manic Monday is borrowed for, “Panic Monday.” For me, the highlights of the play were a desperate phone call to the automated IT Help Desk and “Who will Buy,” (music, courtesy of the Broadway musical Oliver) where the players appeal to the audience, “Who will buy this blue wrapping paper… only $12.00 for two rolls…. Who will buy these Thin Mints…” and so on. For those of us with kids… this one really hit home.

10:00 PM: We returned to the Hotel Place St. Michel to enjoy their restaurant’s world-class cuisine (at a big discount, since we were staying over night in the hotel during the slow season).
We started with a thick and flavorful vegetable soup, followed by their crispy duck with some kind of berry sauce (Lingonberries maybe?). The bottle of red had a wonderfully earthy taste to it, reminding me of one of my favorite episodes of Northern Exposure called, "The Big Feast".
I finished my meal with a tiramisu, while Terrible T had the chocolate mousse.
Midnight: None of your damned business.

All in all, I must admit that it was one of the nicest birthday’s I’ve ever celebrated.

Today is Special Olympics Day